trouble with boyfriends friends...
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| Sat, 12-22-2007 - 2:35am |
I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half and about five months ago we moved in together. I am 21 and he is 26 and overall we have a healthy, honest, good relationship. My boyfriend is a wonderful guy and we have so much fun together. During the week in addition to just spending time together and going on dates we love doing little things like going to the gym and eating healthy and just enjoying life together. But once the weekend comes, it usually becomes a different story. Thats where my boyfriends friends come in and basically make me an unhappy wreck. Some weekends my boyfriend and I will have the whole weekend to ourselves and it will be so great but for some reason almost every time my boyfriend goes out with his guy friends, it ends up upsetting me.
My boyfriends friends for some reason don't really like me and it really hurts. They used to like me but recently I have been having trouble being happy when my boyfriend goes out with his guy friends because they make him get so drunk. I think his friends feel like I am taking him away from them because they are all single. I just can't respect his friends as much because what they do for fun is get completely wasted at bars. They have very different values than I do, as although I like to go out occassionally, I do not like getting drunk and wasted like they do. My boyfriends friends get wasted to the point where they are destructive and make really stupid decisions but they just find their actions amusing. To put it simply, I don't find their actions amusing at all. Luckily, my boyfriend does not participate in their destructive behavior but he also does not really see a problem in his friends acting so immature.
I worry that I am just blinded by love and not seeing that my boyfriend and I have totally different life values. My boyfriend likes to go out with his friends of course and what they love to do is something that I just dont like or really respect. How is it that I can be so in love with him and have the best time with him but when it comes to his friends, we don't see eye to eye? I love my boyfriend so much but sometimes I just really hate the way my boyfriends friends make him act. I know I can't make my boyfriend change and I know I can't ask him to not hang out with his friends because that is just wrong...so does that mean I need to leave him or is there any way I can compromise my way out of this situation? Does anyone have any advice?

That's a tough one. He has a right to go out with his friends, just as you do. I think the bottom line is you have to figure out what is best for you. What are you willing to deal with?
I know you don't want to hear this but if your BF doesn't see the problem with his friends behaviour then that speaks of his character. He may tell you he doesn't do what they do, but when he is out with them in a bar I bet he is one of the crowd. A person's friends tell a lot about them. There is a saying that if you want to get to know a person, go meet their friends.
His friends are at a different point in their lives and when they meet girlfriends and settle down they will most likely cut out of the party scene that they are in. They just haven't reached that point yet. That said, I personally think at 26 they would be slowing down with the party attitude.
No way, most of the 26 year old guys I know are in a period of denial about settling down and easing out of the college lifestyle. The ones who didn't get married between 22 and 24 (right after college) are the ones who were always the big party animals and they won't start looking for serious girlfriends until their mid thirties.
But I do agree, if the boyfriend doesn't see what's going on then there's not much you can do. It says a lot about him, and really, it speaks for how seriously he feels for the relationship he's in.
Hi
::because they make him get so drunk.
No, they don't. It's a choice he makes. He's doing what he wants to do because he wants to do it.
::so does that mean I need to leave him or is there any way I can compromise my way out of this situation?
Can you ignore the difference in values?
From reading your other posts I have to question your compatibility.
~Kristi