truly happy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
truly happy?
11
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 10:58pm
My problem is not near as dire as many of the post. Yet I truly desire some honest oppinions. I met Brian when I was 16 he was 21. Brian pushed me away for years and being young and obsessive I finally got my proposal out of him. We were married, built a home then planned for our child. Logan is now 4, I'm 28. I love Brian dearly but oh lord, could we be any different? He's an ironworker whos obsessed with golf, tv and work. I love intelectual debates, interest include world religions, cooking and moral debates. The only true thing he holds to is 'breast implants are great.' (by the way I won't get one). He on more than one occasion has found a way to belittle my contributions to our household. I have worked off and on in various fields throughout the years. But have been the desire of a few corporate head hunters. I have mortgage, real estate inurance and experience in construction. Somehow my husband who is zoning on tv as we speak seems to think that I should be oh so lucky to have landed him. I have many grudges I have tried steadfast to let go of. He did cocaine throughout my pregnancy and has been somewhat of a emotional, intellectual flake. So how did we get this far. He's sweet, funny and in general a really nice guy. BUT THAT'S IT. Logan in just as beautiful as his father. But good lord. Brian is anything but a partner, and won't lift a single finger around our home. (garbage, garage, dog, anything a guy usually does!) If anyone has some advice. 'Besides have you tried talking to him'. When I do, he pretends to be receptive just to reap the intimate benefits of sex. The next morning he's the same thing all over. He is truly pre-occupied with his own interest (golf), and #1 priority is him.(and golf).He provides well. But I grew up poor and have never believed money to buy happiness (contentment,love or a family!!). P.S./I'm not exzagerating we're expecting 6" of snow and he's golfed two out of the last three days!:)

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
In reply to: denisenakai
Wed, 01-14-2004 - 2:32am
Wow, It's scary how much your relationship sounds just like mine. My husband & I have been together since we were 16 as well. Now married with 2 children. I first want to say that regardless of what happened when you where 16 and he 21 some how you found yourselves wanting to spend the rest of you lives together. Some where along the line that teenage lust turned into love???Enough love to spend how many years together and decide to bring a child into the world. Okay that being said, From point A to now, I know both you and your husband have changed and will continue to change. Each time accepting and loving one another regardless of each change. My Husband is your husbands twin :). Trading your H's cocaine for my H's alcohol. Your H's golf for my husbands Motorcycle. One thing I have learned through these experiences is to remember that we are two different poeple, just as much as I have to accept him and his baggage he has to accept mine. You need to find some thing you can do for you! Some thing he has to accept just like you have to accept his golfing. I don't think you care so much that he golfs or watches tv It's that If he were to spend that kind of time with you and sacrifice just a little bit of time with a dose of appreciation It would mean the world. Bottom line don't let what he thinks you should be doing over come you, go back to work if YOU want to. It's called mutual respect. Been there done that, went back to work and Im home again. We have had this conversation and if you can communicate your feelings just like another poster said, If he cares enough to actually sit down and listen, not let it go through one ear and out the other and It's an actual conversation not an argument and you can get your point accross what you need from him than you will be fine, from that conversation you will know if he really understands and want's to devote quality time to you and your child. If it continues and you arent getting any type of satisfaction from the relationship than I would consider counceling.Okay I have rambled enough, I hope this helps a little.

Best Wishes.

ab25

Pages