Trust

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2007
Trust
5
Mon, 10-08-2007 - 11:26pm

I had been seeing someone for five months up until Labor Day weekend. He is 42 and I am 33 and neither of us has ever been married.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2002
In reply to: shaanana
Mon, 10-08-2007 - 11:52pm

Honestly....


I think you would both be happy if you move on.


For one, I would also feel funny seeing him buy the girls champagne.....that would worry me a bit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: shaanana
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 12:02am

Welcome to the board shaanana,


Well, you might not like some of this, but I hope you read it with an open-mind.


::It is true I had broken up with him several times

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: shaanana
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 9:46am

I have to echo what the other two have already said. I think you realized that you had a good thing only when it was gone. But I'm also bothered by the fact that you showed up and he was buying champagne for other women... Unless they were all close friends, I think that's very suspect behavior and it wouldn't go unnoticed. Perhaps he didn't mean anything by it but that's man-flirting any way you slice it. But since that was an isolated incident, the straw that broke the camel's back for you regardless, I'll try to move on.

Also... He broke up with you. Whether or not he "won't give up" on your relationship is irrelevant; you say he's doing nothing to move forward. Shaanana, you broke up with him and blew up at him so often that he just couldn't take it anymore. Everyone has a breaking point, and while I'm 100% positive that he still cares about you, he said it to you outright - he just doesn't trust you anymore. Can you see where he's coming from? He can't be in a relationship that is constantly threatened, no one can. There comes a certain point for everyone where they have to say "enough is enough" because the negatives in a relationship are starting to outweigh the positives. They don't feel as good or as happy or as confident anymore. When a relationship gets to that point, it is very very seldom able to be mended. And if it does work out, normally there is a period of personal growth in the hiatus between after which you reconnect years later, discovering that you are both in the right place for a relationship with one another.

I don't think that can happen instantaneously. You may have realized that he was great for you and you let a good thing go, but it doesn't change the fact that you're probably not ready for a committed relationship. You mention often your past boyfriend who hurt you... I understand that inflicts how you feel and act, but until you can really let that go, your life isn't really a "clean enough slate" to introduce someone new into your life. I think you have a bit of self-awareness and self-understanding to come to before you're truly ready to accept the past for what it is and move on from it, a better and wiser person. Insecurity does not have to follow you around to every relationship you're in. You need to be able to let that go before you are ready for Mr. Man Of My Dreams. Who knows... Maybe this guy will be there after all. Best of luck!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
In reply to: shaanana
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 12:30pm
Just because you dated someone before him does not mean that he isn't a rebound relationship. You aren't ready for a serious relationship and maybe he isn't
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
In reply to: shaanana
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 1:36pm

He might or not have been flirting with those women, but you didn't even give him a chance before blowing up at him, and it sounds like you have done this through your whole relationship with him. Why should he trust you again? What has changed?

Leave the poor man alone as the others stated and work on yourself and your trust issues. You played this man like a yo-yo, and it takes time for someone to get over something like that.

Your main concern should be yourself, work on you self esteem and the issues you have. You have to love and respect yourself first and foremost before you can give that to someone else. Good luck.