trust

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2003
trust
13
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 8:58am
I recently accused my girlfriend of 5 months of cheating. She had bought a neglege, cut her hair and had a lunch date with a "friend" she used to work with. She denies she would ever cheat. Now she says I don't trust her and she shouldnt have to justify her actions because she loves me and wouldn't cheat. I screwed up is there anything I can say to save this relationship

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2003
In reply to: fiddlers_3
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 4:30am
Thanks,

We have talked and neither one wants to end the relationship at this point. I feel terrible that this happened. I will try to put it behind and hope she can do the same. I've never been in counsiling and am a bit skeptical....can it really help me deal with these issues. I hate being suspicious and tossing these things around in my mind and then regretting my behavior once the picture has cleared.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2003
In reply to: fiddlers_3
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 8:05am
Counseling doesn't work the same way for all people and it really is a matter of finding the right counselor for you, but I have found that it is helpful to have an impartial someone to sit down with and sort through your thoughts with. It will likely feel uncomforatble at first, but I think that if you try it, eventually you'll find that it is very helpful. Good luck to you and your girlfriend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
In reply to: fiddlers_3
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:37am
If you really want to change yourself, the only help I know of that addresses this way of thinking and behaving are men's programs, like batterer's programs. I don't know exactly what "flying off the handle" means for you, what kind of behavior you engage in when things don't go your way or how you think it should - but the information the batterer's programs offer can help you understand your thinking and how to be healthier. There are books out there written by men who run those kinds of programs that can be helpful. One is called Men's Work. I think that this is definitely something to look into since your flying off the handle behavior is over such trivial normal life things. This is exactly the kind of things that abusive men go off about - NOTHING.

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