Trust Issue

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Trust Issue
4
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 5:15pm
I've posted on here before about my husband having a 4 yr. secret relationship (friendship) only or so he claims with a women across the country. Since then she still will only email him at work. This really bothers me but he says he can't make her email him at home. Most of my friends tell me that if its only a friendship I need to just get over it and let it go.

I just have a gut feeling that won't let me. I've thought about getting the spyware software to see what he's doing online and maybe be able to read his work email that he reads at home.

I just worry that he will find out and flip out about me not trusting him.

Any opionions on this?

Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: itsjustme2004
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 7:23pm
He's right, he can't make her email him at home....but he can forward them home and/or cc you on them if he really wanted to.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
In reply to: itsjustme2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 1:33pm
Thanks for your input. You do have a point about he could email it home, although he

does check his work email from home so there is no sense in that. He will not email a copy

to me, because in his opionion its not my business.

And I suppose I don't feel I have a right to ask to read his email.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: itsjustme2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 2:04pm
I suggest you go to counseling with or without him.

In a nutshell, this is the problem:

because in his opionion its not my business

You are his wife, but it's not your business if he's having an emotional affair, bonded emotionally to another woman. Geez, so if you had a long-term email friendship with a male, he wouldn't care that you were keeping it from him or that you were bonded emotionally and sharing intimate details of your life with another man?

Sorry you have to go through this.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
In reply to: itsjustme2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 8:49pm
In my opinion, every person in his life should be open to you. Meaning, they should know you, talk to you, be open to you. She won't email him at work? Then, why email him at all? If this is just an email friendship, then what is so secret? He may feel violated, that he doesn't have any privacy, but his friendship hurts you, and it isn't respectful for him to choose his friendship over your feelings. If she is someone from far away, and they only email, how important is she anyway?

 

-amy-    "CL-fiesty"