trust issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2007
trust issues
3
Thu, 10-25-2007 - 11:44pm

I am 29 years old. I have had three serious relationships. The first was abusive. My parents are divorced. My mother told my younger sister that my father left us and tried to convince me, but I was too old. I already knew it wasn't right they didn't sleep in the same room or spend any time together. My father started seeing someone before the marriage was over. My mother is horrible, my father is my best friend, and because of that, my sister and I are not close. That is the textbook background. Here is the problem:

I met someone. For the first time in my life, I can honestly say that I am in complete and total love. I do not have complete control over this situation and it terrifies me that I can be hurt. My boyfriend and I have talked about this; he is so understanding, but sometimes, I am SO irrational. I am completely aware that I am. I fight with him to push him away, want him to leave, but would be miserable if he did. He's so patient, but I honestly can't stand the insecure way I act. The worst part is that I completely trust his fidelity. That is not the issue at all. I get jealous around other girls. I hate that he could hurt me so easily, even though I genuinely feel that he wouldn't. Just because I'm aware, doesn't mean that this battle is half over. It feels worse. I feel more out of control because I know what the problem is and I can't do anything about it. Where do I go from here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 12:18am

Welcome to the board tuesdayschile78,


Do you not feel you deserved to be loved or for him to be nice to you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2007
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 8:03am
That's just the problem. My father is a wonderful and loving man; my mother is crazy and they were 'staying together for the children'. If the roles were reversed, I would expect the woman to begin something after 3 years of forced celibacy. I don't fault my father. My mother only successfully convinced my sister my father 'left us'. If I do have any trust issues, they stem from maternal betrayal; my mother failing to be a good mother and, in turn I'm not a good mother to myself (if you want to get Freudian). I am attractive, have a wonderful job in the field of developmental disabilities. I'm independent and content in my life. I deserve to be loved by a wonderful man. My boyfriend is a wonderful man. Maybe it is a self esteem issue. Maybe is is a maternal issue.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 11:17am

Welcome to the board tuesdayschild78,


To me this seems to be more of a self esteem or jealousy issue. Do you feel like you have good self esteem? Why do you get jealous when he is around other women?


I agree with Carrie that you might want to consider some short term counseling in order to get to know yourself better and work through this issue.

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