Trust issues
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Trust issues
| Tue, 07-24-2007 - 5:28pm |
Here it goes....
I have been with this guy for about 14 months now. We meet in Iraq working for the same contract company. He is still over there and I am home now for about 10 months now for medical reasons. Anyhow. In Jan. we took a vacation together and things were good until after returning from the vacation. He was very distant and always very short with me. He got mad at me because I had called him a moroon to a friend of mine for spending every night in the casino and after not have seen each other for 4 months I had figured he would want a little more alone time. About two weeks after the vacation we broke up. It came about because I had not told him I was going out to listen to a band with friends and when he called he found out; I didnt know this was the plans until I got to friends house and I couldnt get ahold of him. After 1 1/2 months not together we got back together and saw each other on his vacation in May. I had found out in that time being apart that his divorce was not finalized and when I asked him about it he said "you didnt ask". OK, I guess when I asked about wife's, girldfriends back home that didnt mean women he was still in the process of divorcing. The problem is now we will be fine for several weeks. He is happy and all is good; then if things get stressful over there he gets quiet again and then he comes out with "do I have anything to worry about" ordeal. He has a hard time trusting because his exwife cheated on him as did his first wife. He believes that all women are going to cheat on him or not telling the truth. He feels also that because I once tried to lie to him about my whereabouts that I would lie to him again. And it doesnt help that most of the people he works with over in Iraq are all the type to try to feel others heads with things. Alot of the people over there here of how their spouses cheat on them or lie to them and he hears this all the time and he makes him think negatively.
I do realize that it shouldnt be fair to me that he hurts me when he doubts me or says things that make him sound like he cant trust me. I try to understand because of his past; but it does get hard. I love him too much possibly to just let go of him if its the best option. Has anyone else had to love someone who has a very hard time to trust and give me advice on how I can help him (especially with all the distance between us - he's still in Iraq and I am in the states)? I'm just not ready to completely throw in the towel on this relationship as I know he loves me with all his heart; when he is in a good 'mood' I can hear it in his voice, read it in his emails, and when I am with him I can see it in his eyes. He just has such a hard time trusting. It would be so much easier if he was home in the states. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
I have been with this guy for about 14 months now. We meet in Iraq working for the same contract company. He is still over there and I am home now for about 10 months now for medical reasons. Anyhow. In Jan. we took a vacation together and things were good until after returning from the vacation. He was very distant and always very short with me. He got mad at me because I had called him a moroon to a friend of mine for spending every night in the casino and after not have seen each other for 4 months I had figured he would want a little more alone time. About two weeks after the vacation we broke up. It came about because I had not told him I was going out to listen to a band with friends and when he called he found out; I didnt know this was the plans until I got to friends house and I couldnt get ahold of him. After 1 1/2 months not together we got back together and saw each other on his vacation in May. I had found out in that time being apart that his divorce was not finalized and when I asked him about it he said "you didnt ask". OK, I guess when I asked about wife's, girldfriends back home that didnt mean women he was still in the process of divorcing. The problem is now we will be fine for several weeks. He is happy and all is good; then if things get stressful over there he gets quiet again and then he comes out with "do I have anything to worry about" ordeal. He has a hard time trusting because his exwife cheated on him as did his first wife. He believes that all women are going to cheat on him or not telling the truth. He feels also that because I once tried to lie to him about my whereabouts that I would lie to him again. And it doesnt help that most of the people he works with over in Iraq are all the type to try to feel others heads with things. Alot of the people over there here of how their spouses cheat on them or lie to them and he hears this all the time and he makes him think negatively.
I do realize that it shouldnt be fair to me that he hurts me when he doubts me or says things that make him sound like he cant trust me. I try to understand because of his past; but it does get hard. I love him too much possibly to just let go of him if its the best option. Has anyone else had to love someone who has a very hard time to trust and give me advice on how I can help him (especially with all the distance between us - he's still in Iraq and I am in the states)? I'm just not ready to completely throw in the towel on this relationship as I know he loves me with all his heart; when he is in a good 'mood' I can hear it in his voice, read it in his emails, and when I am with him I can see it in his eyes. He just has such a hard time trusting. It would be so much easier if he was home in the states. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

Welcome to the board redrunner2007,
It must be hard to have such a long distance relationship and also scary to have him be in Iraq. There isn't anything you can do to help him with his trust issues. This is something he has to work on. You can be honest with him and patience with him and encourage him to read self help books for see a therapist.
Good luck to you.
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