Trust issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Trust issues
14
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 5:39pm
My boyfriend and i have been together almost a year and a half. About three months ago i came across an email that he had sent to another woman from germany on a porn/personals web site. He asked for more pictures of her and said things like she was "stunning" and that he couldnt wait to talk to her. After confronting him he told me that he was surfing porn sites and came across her picture and wanted to get naked photos to use as stimulation for masturbating. He clamed that all the flattering language was B.S to get her to send him some. After taking some time to think about the situation i contacted him and we decided to stay together. The problem is that I feel angry because he has caused me pain and yet he feels none. I am the one struggling with self esteem issues, trust issues and insecurities, he is perfectly happy. I feel resentment towards him and i have withdrawn emotionally from the relationship. He wants to be with me and says that he will do anything i need him to. I believe he made an immature stupid decision, he is only 21 and i am his first serious girlfriend. I would like to try to work this out but i dont know where to begin. Please help

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
In reply to: rubyred9109
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 3:04pm
It seems to me your answering your own questions. You seem to have completely different moral values than this guy. In my opinion you need to break free of this guy and focus on you and what you want from a relationship because it doesnt seem like this is it.

Good Luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: rubyred9109
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 6:50pm
Distance isn't the issue. My boyfriend pointed out to me that getting a pic from a *real* woman and not a magazine is closer to the *real thing* (a real woman, not airbrushed) and his opinion is that he's looking for something real - where he searches may eventually come closer to home.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
In reply to: rubyred9109
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 9:59pm
Your boyfirend makes a really good point. The details of the whole thing are so sketchy i cant figure out what his real intentions were or are. I just figured give him another chance and if he does something like this again its over. Its horrible though because i am just waiting to see if he messes up... i dunno im so confused. I also have this nagging feeling that it will end eventually because i think hes too young to just be with me for good. I kind of see his actions as a reflection of that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: rubyred9109
Sat, 01-03-2004 - 2:19am
Don't ignore your gut feelings....don't deny what you know the truth to be. Sounds like you have a good plan, you are more aware and will make the right decision when the time comes.


Carrie

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