to try or not to try

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2008
to try or not to try
4
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 12:27am
My husband of 12 years just told me he now realizes he never loved me and wants a divorce. We have five children the oldest is 10 and the youngest is 2 weeks.

Because of my need to understand I have been asking many questions. He finally told me what he had been thinking.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 1:45am

(((hugs))) to you badnewbears.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 11:55am

Clearly your husband has identified with his father and is afraid of repeating the same patterns. He has emotional issues within himself that he doesn't know how to handle, and feels that by running away from the marriage and family he will take stress off and be able to function. What is badly needed here is for him to see an excellent therapist who can help him deal with his stress, his feelings and his fear of dying. Even if he leaves, the stress will only leave temporarily. New stresses will appear and he won't have handled the underlying cause of all this. It's always easy to blame it on one's partner and say that it is their fault, that you do not love them. So, the best case scenario is that he should get professional help, whether he stays or goes.


It's also a good idea for you to speak to a counselor to handle your own feelings of loss, abandonnment and just plain fear for the future. You also need to be able to build up your own self esteem and not allow the crisis he is in to tear you down. Don't let it. Your children need you.


All good wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 12:48pm

Welcome to the board badnewsbears,


The only way that trying is really an option or is really going to work is if both of you want to try and save the marriage. This isn't something that you can do by yourself. Especially seeing as he is really the unhappy one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 7:22pm

"My husband of 12 years just told me he now realizes he never loved me and wants a divorce."


Another thing to consider.