Trying to have a happy normal family

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Trying to have a happy normal family
5
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 7:03pm

Hello, I here to get unbiased thoughts. Thank you for reading.


My husband and I have been married for a year. Our realationship is great excpet for 2 things.. kids, and the ex wife. (kinda big things) In a nutshell, I have a daughter, 6, he has a son, 5, and he still takes his ex wifes twins, 3 years after they split. I feel she totally takes advantage of him and knows that if he says he can't do everything she asks, she will hold their biological son over his head and make him not see him as much. She SO uses us as a babysitting service!! My husband goes away for 3 weeks for work, then is home for 3 weeks, all year. The time that he is home I feel she has him by puppet strings and knows

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 9:32pm
Is there a court order in place for visitation and child support plus extras, ie, sports, lessons, etc.?

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


I am unable to give legal or medical advice. My opinions are based on my experiences and my personal research.


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 9:36pm

Welcome to the board jlh1025,


No, you are not over-reacting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 9:54pm
Thank you, thank you for posting that. Reading it makes me feel like we are not the only ones with this situation. I think I may just print it out for him. I just feel like I am being selfish, and I don't want it to seem that way. I have brought the issues up time and time again, and haven't gotten any resolution. I don't want him to feel like I am nagging him. But thanks again for your help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 9:58pm
Yes but it is out of date. When it was made, he was living across the country, and there for only had visitaion once a month. He since moved here to be close to his son. He is planning on going back to court to update it. in the mean time I feel we are hanging on her every word. But the last person we want to hurt is the kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 10:22pm

That makes it difficult. I'd suggest getting the modification made ASAP. That way, there is nothing for her to hold over his head like a club. That would help the situation immensely.

As for the twin girls, since they view him as "Dad," whether the SF is going to adopt them or not, they have an emotional bond to him just as he has one to them. I think that this may be an adjustment that you may need to make. Will they continue to come with their brother for visitation after the adoption? When is the adoption supposed to happen?

Feeling like a babysitter, well, a lot of NCPs feel that way. It's something you signed up for when you married him since you knew he had children. As I said, I think that making the custody modification will make a difference in this because the ex won't have as much say in your lives. However, the kids aren't going to go away. One way or another, you are going to have to deal with them as long as you are married to him. It's kind of like, they had him first, and, now, they come first. KWIM? There are some great suggestions on this on the step-parent and step-mother boards on ivillage. I'd encourage you to visit those boards for more on this.

The child support and his paying for necessities while ds is with you, well, that's difficult. As long as she has the club, he can't fight it. When he goes to court, he should ask his attorney to have that all spelled out in the modification. Who pays for "extras," who pays for what on medical bills, who pays for clothing and when, etc., as well as revisiting the CS amount. All of these things can be spelled out in a court order.

At this point, it seems that a lot is hinging on his getting the modification accomplished. Since it takes a while to get a court date, I'd encourage the two of you to get that going ASAP. Perhaps he and the ex can hammer it out between their attorneys or with a mediator without the court date being necessary.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


I am unable to give legal or medical advice. My opinions are based on my experiences and my personal research.


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photobucket