Trying to make things work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Trying to make things work.
8
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 1:53am

I posted this somewhere else, But I think it belongs here.

I was dating a guy for about a year, We lived together for about 5 months. Well, He broke up with me because he said he needed his independence back and he didn't want to have to worry about me when he needed time alone. I moved out and we went with no contact for a few days before he contacted me to see how I was. Needless to say I gave him his space and time to himself for a month, This past weekend he told me he loved me and missed me and wanted to work on things. He said he wants to take his time and we need to work on ourselves and the relationship separate. I agreed and stayed calm. We have discussed some of our issues and are starting to see what the problems were. On monday he had mentioned how he wanted me to move back in and how he wanted things back to the way they were, He said he felt conflicted because he still feels like he wants the independence. We got into a dumb argument yesterday about dinner... And since then he hasn't really spoken to me. Should I be worried that he may have changed his mind and has given up, over one fight? I love him and I can see that he loves me. We want to make things work. How do I get our communication going? And work through things?

Any advice is helpfull. Thank you.
Court <3

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 10:25am
I am going through something similar. We aren't to the 'work it out' point yet, because he is still needing time alone. But my ex-bf also changed his mind regularly. They want to be alone for a while just to find themselves. Any argument, or slight disagreement will cause them to retreat again if they aren't truly ready to be 100% in the relationship. He may be retreating right now. Give him his space and sort of walk on eggshells until he's ready to come out of his cave. Men are more mysterious than they think. Be patient...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2005
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 11:41am

He is conflicted with what he wants.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 12:04pm

Hi court_bee,


Reading material to consider:


Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman


A Couple's Guide to Communication, John Mordechai Gottman


Are You the One for Me? by Barbara DeAngelis





iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 6:50pm
Im sorry to hear that you are going through the same thing. I can't stand it! I hate being patient. But thank you, I appreciate your advice. I hope all goes well for you also.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 6:52pm
I have told him over and over, to take his time. I dont want him to feel rushed to make a decision about us, and our future. He has noticed and appreciated it. I just don't know why he would be so loving and hopeful one day and then distant the next even though we talked about the argument and settled it... Or I thought we did.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2007
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 4:33am
I would just give him space, and give YOURSELF space.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 10:42am

Patience is the hardest thing, I know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2005
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 3:04pm

Is what your getting acceptable to you?