two issues, 1 major
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| Mon, 08-20-2007 - 6:09pm |
First off I will give you all a little background information on us. My fiancee and I have been together a little over two years now and are planning our wedding for April of 2008. We both have two children from a previous relationship/marriage. All four of the girls live with us. I work Monday through Friday from 9 a.m until 6 p.m. and he leaves for work at 6:45 p.m and gets home around 5:30 a.m. He works Monday thru Saturday with the exception that he gets one Saturday off per month. We have a couple of different problems.
Although part of the problem is his job and the hours he works, the job itsself is not the problem. He works in a strip club. Although the issue I have is with one of the dancers I do not have a problem with him working in the club. I do trust him and he knows that. I have been to the club with him while he was working and we have been together when he was not working. I have never gotten that “Oh no John���s girlfriend is here” type feeling when I go there. Everyone has always been very nice and pleasant. Most of them hug me and ask why havn’t been in. I get along with most of his co-workers, except one. The issues I have with her are from before she worked at the club and before he knew her, she claims to not know who I am. He talks about her just like he does any of the others that he works with. I have told him I don’t trust her and I don’t like her. He says they are friends which is fine, but she does things that any woman would know would upset a man’s significant other. I have seen her blow him kisses, she will walk by me and make little comments, etc. I don’t believe he has done anything or that he would but I do feel she will try to manipulate things to cause problems between him and I. He doesn’t see it, he says I am over reacting and that he loves me and if he did not want to be with me then he wouldn’t be with me. I believe that he wants to be with me, but the situation just seems to be getting worse. I am getting more insecure about myself and his feelings for me. I know the game she is trying to play but it seems to be creating doubt in my mind and in my relationship. I really feel that if something doesn’t change that it may ruin my relationship.
Obviously because of our job schedules we do not have a lot of time for family life or couple life. It does seem to me that any spare time we may have is spent with the children. I love them and I can’t imagine my life without any of the four of them, but I also need alone time with him, what I call couple time. I understand that his time with them is limited and he is a fantastic dad but at the same time I spend a lot of time with them. How do we find a better balance? Sometimes I feel like a single mom of four.
Any suggestions and or comments will be appreciated.

Welcome to the board drgnfly111666,
Maybe you could try having date night on the Saturday evening that he gets off work. You could spend some time with the children and than go out later that night by yourselves.
About the co-worker, maybe you could confront her and talk to her about things.
glitter-graphics.com
Welcome to the board drgnfly111666,
I have an odd suggestion, practice being assertive (not aggressive)..... take a class if need be at the local community college.
When this happens: I have seen her blow him kisses, she will walk by me and make little comments, etc.
Call her on it, right then and there.