Is this typical, or problematic?
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| Mon, 08-04-2008 - 12:49pm |
DH and I have been together for 6 years, married for 2. Second marriage for both. No kids. We are both in our late 30's. During our courtship, I had grown a lot, as had he. But recently, I noticed I am not happy, I'm not unhappy either. I'm indifferent.
I was wondering if this is a typical down cycle in our marriage or not.
Here's some of my most recent issues.
-I've grown to be a more outgoing, positive, happy person. He's become a more anti-social, negative, somewhat happy person. It brings me down.
-Although he hasn't refused to interact with my family more, we've also talked about this 4 times since Thanksgiving, and he's said he'd work on it, but nothing has changed, and yes, he does this at his own home too. Thankfully, I get along with his family well.
-I don't care to have sex with him anymore, so it's gone down to about once a month if that.
-I feel alone at home and/or want to be alone.
-I yearn to be away from him, more than I am with him
On the opposite side of that coin, I enjoy his company (for the most part), we have fun, we laugh at times. It's not all bad, but it's not all that great either.
Right now, I'm not interested in therapy. I'm not opposed to it, I'm not ready to go. I wanted to know if this was normal, something I can do to work on it, etc. Put that on the list too, I'm tired of working on things, when he doesn't.
TIA to anyone who responds. If you have questions, please ask, don't assume.

Welcome to the board just4aki,
I would say this is problematic. It is a a sign that your marriage isn't in a good place right now. I would suggest talking to your DH about the things that are you bothering you. It seems like you have given up at this point since you said you are tired of working on things when he doesn't. If you just give up, your relationship is only going to get worse. It makes sense that you have lot interest in sex giving the issue that are going on outside the bedroom. I think the first step is talking to him and letting him know that things need to change.
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Thank you for the welcome. I have discussed this with DH, and it's usually filled with "I'm sorry's" and that's about it. Any thoughts on how to get him to have a conversation with me, and then follow up with his promises? Oh wait, is that asking for the world? hehehe.
I agree that I can't give up. I guess I'm tired of feeling like I am doing all the work. I haven't felt the fight to keep things going either.
Big sigh.
Edited 8/4/2008 4:31 pm ET by just4aki
-I've grown to be a more outgoing, positive, happy person. He's become a more anti-social, negative, somewhat happy person. It brings me down.
In regards to this. He's more negative about people in general. Filled with more anger and hatred. Doesn't want to spend time with people he once liked, because he doesn't want to deal with them. With his or my family, he'll leave the room and not return. Choosing instead to sleep. All of that, gets on my nerves. I don't expect him to be happy 24/7, but I don't want to be with a stick in the mud downer either.
Sex. I was never into it to begin with. Sexually, he just doesn't turn me on. That's always been a problem. But when we got married, other things outweighed that. Those "things", are what have gone bad.
Feeling alone. I feel alone because I feel at times that I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, alone. I'm the one who needs to find the answers and implement them. He supports anything I do, but he doesn't offer to do anything. Which leads to...
He's self-centered. I understand that I must ask or tell him to do something, but I do not want to be his mother. I want a man who sometimes suggests ideas to solve problems. I'd like someone who suggests helping me out when I state I am drowning. I want someone to actually help solve a problem.
Did that help with the issues a bit?