Ultimate Betrayal

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2008
Ultimate Betrayal
7
Sun, 10-12-2008 - 10:31am

I’m a 27 yr old make-up artist/hair dresser and have been married to JJ who’s the same age and is a software engineer/graphic designer for about 3.5 years now. From day one he’s treated me like nothing less than royalty and made sure I always knew that nothing and no one came before me in his life.


He is simply put the most drop dead gorgeous and perfect man than any woman could ever possibly ask for and I used to hear it every day from friends and relatives alike just how lucky I was to be married to someone as romantic , devoted and adoring as him.


He grew up in a very wealthy family with an emotionally and physically abusive father who constantly cheated on his mother and broke her heart and moved out at 18.He has never ,not once even come close to laying a hand on me in anger and is one of the gentlest and most protective men I have ever known.


He told me about his abusive childhood about 9 months into our relationship. Even though he’s an absolute sex God and women throw themselves at him at every chance I guess he still saw himself as damaged goods and almost expected me to walk out on him when I found out but told me because he wanted me to know the truth about him. I was really touched that he trusted me enough to tell me something so painful to talk about and something he’d never shared with anyone else and our relationship became stronger than ever after that.


His mom overdosed/suicided when he was 16 when she couldn’t take his father’s cheating ways anymore and his dad was murdered 5 years ago by the husband of one of his mistresses. Now Benji and JJ have been friends since they were 13. Benji was always the player who would sleep with anything with a pretty face, big boobs and great ass and always put getting laid above all else.


He was the best man at our wedding even though he was always more of a comic relief sort of friend than a best men type of friend. From day one Benji and I flirted a lot even though JJ wasn’t all that comfortable about it especially in the company of others but he trusted me completely, thought of me as loyal to the core and believed me when I told me it was just a bit of fun even though he had been cheated on twice before.


Last week I was having the absolute day from hell and after a really bad day at work went to drop off some files for Benji at the office of his night club. He was being really sweet and funny trying to cheer me up. I was stupid, emotional l, irrational and just seriously vulnerable at the time and not thinking clearly and I ended up sleeping with him. I felt like the biggest whore in the world afterwards and confessed to JJ the very same night.


The night I confessed he booked himself into a hotel because he needed time to think. Two days after I confessed was my best friends wedding at which I was the maid of honor. Benji, who was the groom’s cousin and had gotten wasted, eventually got sick of my ignoring him. He yelled out during the first dance that it wasn’t his fault that JJ couldn’t please his woman, ending up with JJ punching him and me yelling out in front of everyone that JJ was just like his psychotic bastard of a father.


He looked at me like I had had just killed his heart and soul the second I said it making me feel like complete and utter scum. I talked to him last night and he told he still loves me as much as ever and that the last thing he wants is to end our marriage but he simply can’t promise that he’ll ever be able to get past it. I had the perfect life and screwed it up beyond belief in mere hours. Where do we go from here? Is there hope for my marriage? How do I make this right?


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Sun, 10-12-2008 - 12:02pm

Welcome to the board bellabrianna,


I think the first step is to completely end the friendship with Benji. It is clear he wasn't much of a friend to begin with. Next I would suggest individual counseling for you and marriage counseling with your husband. Your husband's trust in you has been broken and it will take a lot of hard work to repair it. Be prepared for a long hard road ahead of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Sun, 10-12-2008 - 4:22pm

Wow, you really did mess up a good thing didnt you?


People dont just fall into affairs - it is usually in the back of one's mind - as evident with your flirting with Benji.


If your husband cant find anything to give you a reason to do that to him (like if he cheated first..) then he may never actually get over it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Sun, 10-12-2008 - 7:12pm
I'm going to answer even though I have a lot of doubts that this is a real post - if JJ has even half a brain, he'll dump you before there are kids involved.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2008
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 6:10am

I know all too well not what a horrible mistake I've made.While I've never been cheated on myself I fully understand the damage I have done and plan to do everything in my power to fix it.I did a cruel and heartless thing and he's somehow found it in his heart to give me one last chance that I can't risk for anything.Benji is permanantly out of our lives and I plan on doing whatever it takes to gain

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2008
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 7:33am

I must admit I'm

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2008
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 7:47am

"I must admit I'm

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2008
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 9:41am

Hello,


I have just read your post. Unfortunately I do not think what I am about to tell you will make you feel any better.


Undoubtedly I am sure that your husband still loves you. After all, he is not the one who went out and was unfaithful. Unfortunately for you, he may be able to look past your indiscretion for now but will never be able to forget it. With a man, when you step out on him so to speak, his ego is deflated. He continually thinks there is something wrong with himself, he mus not be able to please you like he once did, etc. For you, I am sure that you cheated for more of an emotional connections. Men and women are driven very differently.


I would recommend you getting into counseling as soon as possible if there is any hope to save your marriage. Without the counseling, the mistrust issue will most certainly rear it's ugly head almost on every occasion when your husband has a doubt in his head on what you are telling him.


I wish I could tell you that things will be OK, but in every case of infidelity that