Ultimatum...Help!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Ultimatum...Help!!!
5
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 2:08pm
My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married 4. We met in California where he was stationed in the Navy. When we got married where we would live was never an issue. So we bought a home in California and now have a family here. Well all of my husbands family is in Ohio, where he is orignally from. Okay my dilima. My husband now wants to move to Ohio and has been bugging me for 4 years about this. I always tell him that I want to stay in California close to my parents, which my daughters adore. My family and I are very involved with eachother, as his family is only together during holidays. So recently he told me that he was giving me the ultimatum to move with him or he would move by himself and that would mean a divorce for us. I wouldnt take this serious any other time except I know that he has contacted an attorney.I love my husband and want to remain married, but I resent him making me choose. What do I do? Should I just give in and move to Ohio as a family or should I fight to stay in California and not be persueded? Help! Any suggestions or opinions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 3:20pm

i'm amazed you even have to ask for help on this.

it really is simple....do you want to break up your family so you can be with the family you grew up with? what answer came to you?

no one can answer your question but you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 3:36pm

The same way that it's important to you to be close to your family, it's equally important to your husband now to be with his.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 5:00pm

Welcome to the board haleybugsmom,


Is this decision on where to live the only thing you fight about? If so, I would just give in and move with your husband. Is this really worth ending your marriage over?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 8:50pm
I have to disagree with the advice you have been given so far. An ultimatum is not a healthy sign in a relationship. There are more problems in your relationship than where you live. I would suggest that you ask him to attend some marriage counseling with you to work out your relationship or your divorce, whatever is decided on in counseling. Ultimatums are NEVER good.

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I am unable ot give legal or medical advice. My opinions are based on my experiences and my personal research.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 7:37am

Haleybugsmom, you posted about this a few weeks ago, and I think you were given some suggestions about clarifying the issue with your husband, etc. I don't recall that you were at the ultimatum or attorney point then, so something has happened in the interim.

There are some contradictions in your post: you say that when you and your husband married "where we would live was never an issue. So we bought a home in California." You've been married for four years, and that's how long your husband has been bugging you about moving to Ohio, so while where you would live may not have been an issue for you, it may have been for him.

I also wonder if different family dynamics play a part here. You emphasize the closeness of the relationship you have with your family--your children adore them, you're all very involved in each other's lives--maybe he feels it's too much closeness. maybe he feels left out.

I think you are making this all about you and your husband's ultimatum (and while I certainly agree with Steph that ultimatums are not good, this one has been four years coming), rather than all about your marriage. If you weren't encouraged to seek counseling in the responses to your earlier post, I am suggesting it now. I think your husband feels unheard and disregarded on this issue, and you aren't doing your children any favors by refusing to listen to him.