Un-driven husband to the n'th degree

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Un-driven husband to the n'th degree
3
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 10:49am

My husband told me his dream was to start a business. I have all the skills to run a successful business & he has the skills to create a great product. I have a FT job but my husband had been going from crappy job to crappy job. He didn't make alot of money (under $20K/year) while working all hours and being very unhappy. Having a business seemed like a great chance to spend more time together & make more money. But in the first 2 yrs, he stayed at home FT and didn't get anything done. I discovered he had been doing absolutely NOTHING. And to make matters worse, we argued whenever I tried to ask him bc he was defensive. I kind of felt betrayed that I worked so hard all day and he was doing nothing. He finally started being truthful and allowed me to give him lists of tasks I needed done. So I continued. I wanted this business for myself too. I know I have the skills to be a successful entrepreneur and I like this kind of business alot.

So we went to counselling. He said he liked it and things improved. Of course, he dropped the ball and missed an appt. Now, he hasn't called the guy back.

This morning we had a big fight. He's upset bc he's improved and he doesn't think I'm giving him credit for that. He HAS improved - he is actually working on stuff. And I appreciate that. But I tell him we need something ASAP and I'm lucky if I get it in a week. He has a job from a client that should have taken a week - its been 2 months. One job, I spent my Sat doing myself bc they are a great client and I wanted to give it to them early (for once)...what happened? He took so LONG to drop it off that it ended up being a day LATE. His reply to things like this is, So? She didn't REALLY need it! Its no big deal. We can't sit on jobs and always be late if this business is going to go somewhere. We are only at 20% of the volume we need to make this a career for him.

Part of me wants to throw in the towel. But I feel these are my clients and I like them. I don't have all the skills to make the products myself. Plus, without the business my husband doesn't really make enough money. I can't start another business bc I invested my money in this one. Plus, this one works bc alot of the work is on the w/ends.

I don't know what to do. I feel trapped. And I'm sad bc I'm worried that we won't have enough money for our future (a house, children, etc). We are 35 - its really now or never!

Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 1:27pm

Welcome to the board goroque,


Sounds like your husband wants to put in the least amount of effort, but still get the biggest return.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 5:32pm

Ultimatems are never good, but maybe if you tell him that he either has to step up his share or you will have to close down the business and he will have to go back to work he will realize that you are serious.


Sorry you have to go through this. It must be really frustrating.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 5:54pm

Yes, you are very right. But he tells me that he APPRECIATES my nagging he's not ALL that bad...LOL. He called and apologized to me about a job he didnt' finish. He has taken on extra work outside the business to help us save for that future house. So I had a brilliant idea: when he gets his schedule from work, we schedule in the business work (and assign tasks to the works-in-progress). I think having a set schedule will help immensely. And we'll celebrate our successes (big jobs) more often with a debrief of what worked/what didn't/etc. Those are the kinds of things we do at work everyday but don't think to do at home! I'm going to start using the tools I have here: workplans, schedules, etc.

Thanks for the support,
Dee