Unable to accept great rltship - long
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Unable to accept great rltship - long
| Mon, 04-05-2004 - 12:09am |
Almost 3 mo. ago, I started dating someone new. In that time, he has proved himself to be intelligent, caring, patient, understanding, sweet, and amusing. We're extraordinarly compatible on so many levels and have some unbelievably strange coincidences between us that makes it feel like it was almost fate. For the first month, after I got over my standard "new relationship" fear problem, I was stunned that I had been gifted with this man. Lately, however, I've been having trouble. I can acknowledge all these things, but I feel so apathetic towards it all. Earlier today, I woke up with him and basically freaked out and started shaking and crying. This isn't unusual, I did the exact same thing to a previous boyfriend, also a wonderful man whos patience, after 5 mo. of my confusion, broke. I don't know if I'm trying to force feelings and am so repressing them...I don't know why this happens. I just get a very strong physical response that just means: something is wrong. I broke up with that last serious boyfriend to get away from this persistent response. I'm horribly afraid that because of these issues that I have with relationships, I will once again drive away an amazing young man who treats me wonderfully and tries to help me get through these problems. He is so much better than the worry I must put him through. Yet because of that I'm pulled in two different directions: one side of me wants to let him go to prevent further hurt in either of us. Yet, I KNOW that my reactions are not healthy. If I let this wonderful person who deeply cares for me go, I'm perpetuating my habit of running away. I'm so tired of running away. I'm setting up an appt' with a counselor, but I would so appreciate some ideas and reassurance. Thanks to all.

I hope you figure it out soon. My best to you.
Carrie