Uncertainties

Totally agree with true blue. There is no "reasonable" timeline on grief. Everyone moves on at their own pace. He clearly is not ready to commit to you or completely move on from his wife and if you're not prepared to wait as long as it takes (which may be much longer than you'd like), you need to consider ending the relationship.

Although there are similarities, getting over a death is also very different to getting over a divorce. You seem to be comparing the two in the sense that when you got together, it had been about 5 years since you divorced and now it's been 5 years since his wife died and so you seem to be expecting him to be in the same place you were at 5 years on - over it and moving on. It's unfair to look at it this way - because there was no "break up" or decline of the relationship, it's much harder to move on from a death and it's not unusual for people to feel guilty that they are involved with someone else now, as though they are betraying their deceased spouse. What he is going through is not the same thing as what you went through and even if it were, you can't expect everyone to move on at the same pace you did. He will talk about the future when he's ready. He is not ready and he may not be for a long time.

But isn't all of life uncertain?