unconventional boyfriend
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unconventional boyfriend
| Sat, 04-17-2004 - 7:37am |
Hi there,
i need some advice on relationships. I have a boyfriend and we have been seeing each other for slightly over a year now. the first year was good. we are both undergraduates in the same university and he stayed on campus... so we had alot of time to be alone together and we spent alot of time together as a result. this all changed however at the start of this year. his brother went overseas to study and this made him decide to stay at home. somehow i feel like his brother is running away to fufill his own dream whilst leaving my bf to deal with his family issues (his dad passed away 2 yrs ago) so my bf is like going to be the sole breadwinner of his family. but my bf is ok with it and supports his brother. anyway, back to the story... so my bf moved back home and since then we've spent alot less time together. compared to last year, its like 0. i see him like maybe once a week and he thinks that talking on the phone is unneccessary and feels that once a week even is good enough. he stays on the other side of the city and though we are both in the same uni we still hardly get to meet. that's cos it seems like he has changed. from fun loving henry, he has become serious, competitive henry - he wants to excel in his studies (he's under some scholar programme which means his workload is like double or triple). he hardly wants to meet me or talk to me. i've raised the issue before and quarrelled many time cos' i felt like he was neglecting me and many times i just got really upset. at one point, i realised that perhaps i was really bugging him alot -messaging him everyday, wanting to chat everyday... so i eased off.. but still that was too sticky for him.he thinks i think too much and i am too dependent on him. thing is my boyfriend is anti PDA... he doesnt want to hold my hand or show any affection in school or in front of people we know. only when we are out alone then he holds my hand. i told him how much affection means to me and he has changed abit. but essentially affection to him is like how some people hate eating vegetables. no deep reason why. he's a real nice guy with a good heart. and i really love him. i have never said break up before and i don't want to. some friends say that he doesn't love me. some friends say he and i have communication problems... i know he loves me but he just aint a fantastic lover... another friend says hes good husband material but not a good lover.
i need some advice on relationships. I have a boyfriend and we have been seeing each other for slightly over a year now. the first year was good. we are both undergraduates in the same university and he stayed on campus... so we had alot of time to be alone together and we spent alot of time together as a result. this all changed however at the start of this year. his brother went overseas to study and this made him decide to stay at home. somehow i feel like his brother is running away to fufill his own dream whilst leaving my bf to deal with his family issues (his dad passed away 2 yrs ago) so my bf is like going to be the sole breadwinner of his family. but my bf is ok with it and supports his brother. anyway, back to the story... so my bf moved back home and since then we've spent alot less time together. compared to last year, its like 0. i see him like maybe once a week and he thinks that talking on the phone is unneccessary and feels that once a week even is good enough. he stays on the other side of the city and though we are both in the same uni we still hardly get to meet. that's cos it seems like he has changed. from fun loving henry, he has become serious, competitive henry - he wants to excel in his studies (he's under some scholar programme which means his workload is like double or triple). he hardly wants to meet me or talk to me. i've raised the issue before and quarrelled many time cos' i felt like he was neglecting me and many times i just got really upset. at one point, i realised that perhaps i was really bugging him alot -messaging him everyday, wanting to chat everyday... so i eased off.. but still that was too sticky for him.he thinks i think too much and i am too dependent on him. thing is my boyfriend is anti PDA... he doesnt want to hold my hand or show any affection in school or in front of people we know. only when we are out alone then he holds my hand. i told him how much affection means to me and he has changed abit. but essentially affection to him is like how some people hate eating vegetables. no deep reason why. he's a real nice guy with a good heart. and i really love him. i have never said break up before and i don't want to. some friends say that he doesn't love me. some friends say he and i have communication problems... i know he loves me but he just aint a fantastic lover... another friend says hes good husband material but not a good lover.
we are asians but we live in an urbanised city so perhaps that'll help explain the anti-pda... but many of the ppl my age are affectionate... and i cringe whenever i see people on the streets hugging or kissing... i get really upset sometimes. sometimes i just brush it off. i sense some deeper problem which my bf and i are not aware of... and i hope someone can help me dissect my problem and suggest ways in which me and my bf can have a balanced healthy relationship... thanxs...xoxoxo

Carrie
Yesterday, i decided to email him about a bad day instead of calling or messaging him. He emailed back saying "anything can message me. dun call cos' i will most probably be trying to concetrate" (cos' we are having exams now).
That line really hurt and i didn't feel like calling or messaging him at all anymore. Cos'i felt that i really needed his support but he just cannot give it.
But i called one of his good friends from childhood to try to understand why hes like that and his friend said that he's having problems trying to cope with the death of his father and with the family burden on him, he's become very withdrawn and shelled up.
So i'm just gonna leave him alone for some time will the exams are over. Wait for him to make the call and try to talk to him about some things. It's difficult but i'll try and see how. Thanks for your post itwinflame.