Understanding What I Should Say.....

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Understanding What I Should Say.....
16
Wed, 09-07-2011 - 7:26pm

Ok, I just want opinions on this situation:

We all just got back from vacation.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 09-07-2011 - 7:45pm

I think you asking him to take the computer out of the room was fine & I think his throwing it on the bed was uncalled for.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 1:05am

I'm assuming that this is common behavior.......not just an isolated incident.

Your husband is a rude ignorant controller.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 2:32am

My guess it would not matter what you said for he would have reacted the same way.

You have said he always communicates his irriation with you that way so you can choose to ignore it and know it is all about HIM and not you or have a talk about how you two can better communicate respectfully.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 6:11am
Sweettatnacho has posted here before. You are all correct: it is a pattern with him. Here's her earlier thread: http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/Ask-Dr-Shoshanna/Passive-Aggressive-Muttering-Words-Abt-Spouse-to-Self-Accid-on/m-p/117991575/highlight/true#M104631
Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 7:25am
A lot of this is correct ---- but I don't apologize. In fact, I give it to him good verbally---- perhaps why, deep down, he feels he must do the non-verbal stuff. B/c he doesn't feel confident enough in his verbal skills to deal w/me.

But - I do thank you for the reminder that that NV stuff IS abuse.
Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 7:28am
I did have a talk w/him the next day about how we need to try harder ---- b/c I don't know if I can deal w/this anymore. Sad thing is he didn't use to do this in our earlier days --- It's gotten to be his way of dealing w/conflict.

I really think he thinks that a good marriage does NOT contain conflict of ANY kind.....and that is just not so@
Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 7:29am
Getting ready to go to a new counselor ----- One w/a little bit of religious perspective. This has gone on long enough......but I feel I need that "religious" spin on things last of all......b/c that's where I come from.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 8:42am

There is no way you could have phrased it to prevent his reaction. He's not reacting to your "lack of tact" (and I thought the way you phrased it was fine), he's reacting to the feeling of being corrected because his ego is hurt. It's not reasonable for him to ready this way, but I'm guessing he has a big fragile ego.

You have every right to tell him politely if something bothers you. He should be able to take some amount of input like that without taking it as an attack. Your husband seems to be a person who lacks any self-awareness whatsoever. I'm not sure if counseling can give him that. He has to be really open to seeing someone else's perspective.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 11:19am

I have a mixed feeling about a counselor w/ a religious perspective even though I do believe in God.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 1:58pm

Yes, it does seem to be a pattern.

Pages