unfaithful husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2007
unfaithful husband
3
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 2:19pm
I have been married for almost 4 years. My husband has cheated on me several times. I have been faithful. Last year, the girl boyfriend called and told me she admitted to him that she was seeing my husband. She is my cousin. She had a baby in Feb. 2007. I have not seen the baby but people have told me it is not his. How can I get over this? What should I do? I feel it is time to move on, but I don't know if I can afford too. I see her everyday. We live in a small town. I am close to her mom and her grandmother we are family. My husband say it is a lie. He physically beat the boyfriend for calling me and confronted her and of course she called me and said it was a lie. But she is still with her boyfriend. I really don't know what to do. I am so ashame around people. I feel they think I am married to a man that sleeps with my family members. I have 2 grown children who heard about this too. He is a good provider. I am a stay at home mom but I don't want to be a stay at home fool. Please help me decide if I should stay or go? or move on? This is affecting my health. I can't go out in public with my husband. I look at him different.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 2:53pm

Welcome to the board apieceofmindforme,


It may sound harsh, but honestly can you give us one good reason why you should stay with him other than he is a good provider because you have many good reasons why you shouldn't.


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Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 4:14pm

Well, to begin, you must get very clear on the truth or lack of truth of this situation. Did he or didn't he sleep with her? The fact that the cousin is still with her boyfriend doesn't mean that she's telling the truth. You cannot go forward in your marriage unless you have trust and self respect. You do not believe your husband, but it is crucial to get the truth of this clear. Otherwise, both your trust and self respect will be gone.

I suggest that the two of you seek professional marriage counseling, with a well trained person who can help sort all of this out. You have to repair your badly wounded self esteem and he needs a chance to be really heard on this. Beyond this, forgiveness is possible. When two people go through something painful, if there is honesty and accountability, if there is a strong promise to change and action to back it up, it is possible to repair the marriage.

Do not project onto others the bad feelings you have about yourself and your husband. Get the help you both need and you will find ways to feel good again. If it is too painful to be with the extended family right now, it would not hurt to give yourself a little space and time to feel better.

All good wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2007
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 1:45pm
I really don't know. I feel that this is as low as a person can go. How do I know if it is true or not. He went as far as bringing the guy to our house and made him apologize to me for telling a lie. He cursed the girl out as well. Do you think a person would risk going to jail? I just don't know.