Unsure what to do!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2007
Unsure what to do!?
5
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 10:17am

My BF and I agree we don't feel right with God living together anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 11:09am
Why not move into separate apartments and keep dating until you are ready to be married. How old are you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2007
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 12:30pm
I'm 32 - he's 39.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 1:24pm

Welcome to the board michellek2007,


Reading material to consider:


Are You The One For Me? Barbara DeAngelis


He's Scared, She's Scared by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 5:33pm

Welcome to the board michellek2007,


I don't think I will be of much help because when I married my DH I wasn't worried about it or scared at all, and honestly we have been married a little over a year now and had dated for 3 years prior to that and our relationship hasn't changed at all since getting married.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2008 - 4:58pm

You are right, it is natural to have a certain amount of fear before embarking upon any deepening committment, but if the fear is too great, and causes you to back away from something that may be wonderful for you, then it is important to get some help with this feeling. A little bit of couple counseling could go a long way here. Perhaps you or both of you, have lived in families with unhappy marriages? Perhaps you've seen friends who have had marriages that haven't worked. These negative role models could generate a lot of anxiety. However, if you are able to work through difficulties, if you have good communication skills and basic trust and love for one another, then it is most likely that whatever comes along in the course of a lifetime, you will be able to handle it.


Sometimes, however, there are unconscious causes for intense fear and even phobias about increasing committment. These need to be worked through with professional help.


All good wishes,