Unsure

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2012
Unsure
14
Sun, 02-12-2012 - 11:48pm

I have been in a relationship for 10 years not all of them good but still in them. we went through a falling out and didnt have contact for a couple of weeks last year then decided to try to make things work. about a month later it came out that he had been "talking with another woman.( he works with her) He told me it was over and we went on from there. Things never felt right., whole

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
In reply to: tee05261
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 12:34am

People who have been together ten years, if they have a good relationship, they don't need time out for a couple of weeks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
In reply to: tee05261
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 3:25am

Tee, you've had

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
In reply to: tee05261
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 9:15am

After a decade with this guy, you have a really good idea of what is in store for the rest of your life if you choose to stay. A few more decades of a not-so-great relationship that never quite feels permanent, never quite knowing if you can trust him. That doesn't sound like a great future.

Please consider that in a relationship like yours, which is categorized as "too good to leave, too bad to stay", you will never be 100% sure that leaving is the right option until you actually do it (and perhaps meet someone who makes you wish you hadn't wasted so many years). You don't need any more time to decide.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
In reply to: tee05261
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 12:32pm

Sorry your hurting but I think the reason he was not telling you anything about what he was doing during your separation is because he was spending time with her at that time. He was making a fool out of you by talking and laughing about you behind your back so it's not hard to understand why you wouldn't trust him anymore. Now that he's figured out the grass wasn't any greener with her he wants you back. Like all cheaters he is trying to minimize what he's done. In my opinion this man doesn't respect you and you'd be best to move on from this relationship. GOOD LUCK.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2012
In reply to: tee05261
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 2:37pm

I think I need to explain further so that he isnt the only badguy in this.... we have been together in the sense committed but not living together, he has his space me mine. during the time this all started he tld me he was lonely and thats why he went to this woman he has worked with for a long time. I understand why he did it I just dont understand why when we decided to try and make this work that he lied about not doing it anymore. and over the last year I have I admitt it

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2012
In reply to: tee05261
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 2:40pm
No imagination involved I saw with my own eyes. If it was just a matter of changing and wanting different things then why did he continue to drag me along, why didnt he just leave me go his merry way with her.... am I that pittiful?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2012
In reply to: tee05261
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 2:57pm
I made the mistake of saying it wasnt just his fault it was hers too. She has an SO and he is doing the very same thing.
he has a young girl online that he is sending money to ALOT of money.
I think she is just paying the hurt forward.
He was so very quick to defend her and take full responsibility for the affair.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
In reply to: tee05261
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 3:00pm

It doesn't really matter who the bad guy is, who is at fault for what... The hard truth is, if this were a great relationship, you wouldn't be in this situation after ten years together.

"when its good it is really good"

Everyone in not-so-great relationships says this. Even the women in physically abusive relationships say this. It doesn't mean you have a generally good relationship, only that you are biased toward the times that are good.

"what if there isnt another chance for happiness? Im getting older and didnt have much going for me before so less now."

THERE IS ALWAYS ANOTHER CHANCE FOR HAPPINESS!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: tee05261
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 3:46pm

If he was lonely, why didn't he turn to the woman he had been in a long term relationship with instead of someone else?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
In reply to: tee05261
Wed, 02-15-2012 - 12:31am

If a thread lasts long enough, then all kinds of facts and truths come out!

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