Unsure

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2012
Unsure
14
Sun, 02-12-2012 - 11:48pm

I have been in a relationship for 10 years not all of them good but still in them. we went through a falling out and didnt have contact for a couple of weeks last year then decided to try to make things work. about a month later it came out that he had been "talking with another woman.( he works with her) He told me it was over and we went on from there. Things never felt right., whole

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
In reply to: tee05261
Thu, 02-16-2012 - 12:10am

I'm sorry you consider it "harsh" when outsiders point out things that you're too close to, and don't see......or try to make excuses for.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: tee05261
Wed, 02-15-2012 - 2:12pm

"I thought when I came here that there was an actual Dr. here that would offer some insight, but am now seeing that it is just a bunch of people that would prefer to judge me and my situation and not actually help but critisize me."

We all wonder what has become of Dr. Shoshanna, because she hasn't been here for a long time--more than a year, I think.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
In reply to: tee05261
Wed, 02-15-2012 - 1:59pm
It's not that people want to be harsh or judge anyone. It's just that you are getting honest opinions from people that are coming from a neutral camp and have no emotional involvement in the situation. They are therefore going to see this very differently than the poster who is emotionally involved in the situation, and also are often speaking from their own experiences in life and see the same patterns in the OP relationships they themselves have been thru and learned from. Therefore you are often times not going to hear what you want to hear, but what they see as the reality of the situation. You can always sift thru and disregard info you don't agree with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2012
In reply to: tee05261
Wed, 02-15-2012 - 10:41am

Wow

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
In reply to: tee05261
Wed, 02-15-2012 - 12:31am

If a thread lasts long enough, then all kinds of facts and truths come out!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: tee05261
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 3:46pm

If he was lonely, why didn't he turn to the woman he had been in a long term relationship with instead of someone else?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
In reply to: tee05261
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 3:00pm

It doesn't really matter who the bad guy is, who is at fault for what... The hard truth is, if this were a great relationship, you wouldn't be in this situation after ten years together.

"when its good it is really good"

Everyone in not-so-great relationships says this. Even the women in physically abusive relationships say this. It doesn't mean you have a generally good relationship, only that you are biased toward the times that are good.

"what if there isnt another chance for happiness? Im getting older and didnt have much going for me before so less now."

THERE IS ALWAYS ANOTHER CHANCE FOR HAPPINESS!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2012
In reply to: tee05261
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 2:57pm
I made the mistake of saying it wasnt just his fault it was hers too. She has an SO and he is doing the very same thing.
he has a young girl online that he is sending money to ALOT of money.
I think she is just paying the hurt forward.
He was so very quick to defend her and take full responsibility for the affair.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2012
In reply to: tee05261
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 2:40pm
No imagination involved I saw with my own eyes. If it was just a matter of changing and wanting different things then why did he continue to drag me along, why didnt he just leave me go his merry way with her.... am I that pittiful?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2012
In reply to: tee05261
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 2:37pm

I think I need to explain further so that he isnt the only badguy in this.... we have been together in the sense committed but not living together, he has his space me mine. during the time this all started he tld me he was lonely and thats why he went to this woman he has worked with for a long time. I understand why he did it I just dont understand why when we decided to try and make this work that he lied about not doing it anymore. and over the last year I have I admitt it

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