Update--

Avatar for zephyr893
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Update--
6
Thu, 04-10-2008 - 11:18am

So, my husband and I went to our therapy appt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2008
In reply to: zephyr893
Thu, 04-10-2008 - 3:49pm

first of all - i commend you and your husband for making a real effort in your marriage!


i think you are both doing a great job, and reading your post has instilled hope in me on your behalf.



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: zephyr893
Fri, 04-11-2008 - 4:26pm

Thanks for the update. I think things are looking better and you do have reason to be hopefully. Let us know how things go once he moves back in.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
In reply to: zephyr893
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 8:59am

Even though my husband came home after being out of the house for a week and agreed to continue in therapy and give our marriage a shot, I still can't shake this bad feeling.


I mean, I'm trying to keep an open mind and give him the benefit of the doubt, but it's beyond hard to do. I don't want to go through his things or not believe him when he says he's somewhere, I'm done with that and don't want to do it anymore. And I know it'll take time and work to gain that trust back, but I can't help but feel very skeptical. He changed the password on his phone last week--after going a long time not changing it, even though he knew

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: zephyr893
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 12:44pm
I think you should bring the issue up in
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
In reply to: zephyr893
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 9:38am

Thanks for the input. The issue, amongst many others, will be brought up in counseling. But it's the feelings that come up from just the daily living together that's increasingly hard to deal with.


Yes, he came back home and agreed to work in therapy to try to make things work. And yes he's initiating more contact and wanting to spend more time. But I still feel like he could be having an outside relationship--whether emotional, physical, or whatever. Just leaving his phone in the car and stuff--because he knows I had been checking it--it makes me sick to think about. Then again, I can't imagine why he wouldn't have stayed out of the house, saying he needed more time to think, or that he wasn't into working on us if he didn't want to give it a true shot. I'm so confused and heart sick. I want to put in a full effort and believe he is too--but it's just this nagging feeling.


And to boot--our therapist can't see us until Monday morning. We both said we wanted to get in there this week, since that's a long way off. So I guess that's a good sign that he's eager to start talking about/dealing with the issues?

Avatar for zephyr893
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
In reply to: zephyr893
Wed, 04-16-2008 - 8:28am

I keep posting updates on here, I guess looking for something to soothe a little bit of this pain and uneasiness.


Yesterday, I decided to give H a small taste of his own medicine by making a hair appt. last night after work while he was at his softball game and not telling him, so when he got home around 8 or so, I wouldn't be home and he'd wonder where I was. (Not that H does that often, but with my trust issues, I'm not always 100% secure.)


Anyway, H ended up stopping by the salon (total coincidence) to make a hair appt earlier that day, and my stylist told him I was coming in that night, which foiled the whole plan...this I didn't know until I ignored his call around 7:30, and told my stylist I was ignoring the call because I didn't want him to know where I was. Then he proceeded to tell me he told H earlier that day that I'd be there that night. I called H back, who said he called to tell me the game was a blowout and he'd be home early, and should he wait for me to eat and stuff. He asked what I was doing, and I just vaguely said 'nothing'. I was annoyed that the plan didn't play out, but even moreso I was worried the plan had actually backfired.


I guess by the time I got home, I felt weird. Like I had screwed up.