update on boyfriend dating add
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update on boyfriend dating add
| Tue, 09-14-2004 - 4:21pm |
I ended up responding to my boyfriend's internet personal add with a made up name and he responded by putting his picture on an e-mail that said. "I hope I am fit to serve you" When I confronted him on it he said that he was doing it just for fun and that he is a bit of a pervert in that he likes to be kinky and wants to explore. I told him does he w open relationship where we can date others, like take a step back as if we were just dating and not exclusive and he said no. He said that he only wants me and that he thought I was the women he was going to marry. He says he's messed up and likes fantasizing about these things but would never cheat on me. He wants for us to explore swinging and s and m clubs together because he's always fantasized about them but has never done anything about it. I told him I want to see other people while I am dating him to see if we are meant to be together and he said that if I do I had better be good about hiding it because he would be so angry to know I am dating but that he won't see other people. I have also told him until I can trust him again I don't want to have sex and he says okay. I love him so much I want to be able to trust him again but don't know if I can ever do that and I can't leave him. I want him to be inspired to change and not do things behind my back. If he wants to explore, I'd like for us to work on things together and discuss. How do I go about this? We had a trip planned for NEw York where his parents from france are coming ( they adore me by the way) and when I broke up with him he said maybe you can pretend to still be with me, can you do that? To me it sounds as if he's too ashamed to go to NY and meet his parents without me.He told me that with our friends he doesn't want them to know we are broken up but would rather have us be boyfriend and girlfriend in their eyes even though I am dating others and we are not having sex until the time comes when we can trust each other again. I am so confused. I said a lot of mean things to him yesterday.HE was really mean to me too. He says I give him insecurities because I had such a wonderful life with my ex boyfriends who are so accomplished so I guess he has an inferiority complex? Not sure but please I love this guy and though I don't want to be hurt I don't want to leave him either. Someone please knock some sense into me and thanks for letting me vent.

I would also add, think of his character - he wants YOU TO LIE for him now, save face in front of his family and friends. He thinks LYING is ok.
Even if he never intented anything, what you have here is basic incompatibity of values and morals.
::because he would be so angry to know I am dating but that he won't see other people.
That's because he'll be online fantasizing about his other interests instead of dating 'real' people in person, because that requires intimacy - mentally, emotionally and physically.
::He says I give him insecurities because I had such a wonderful life with my ex boyfriends who are so accomplished so I guess he has an inferiority complex?
Ok, while this may be true on some level, he's ultimately responsible for his own feelings and he's responsible for fixing them, healing them etc. You can't be responsible for his insecurities and he shouldn't be holding your past experience against you, it's made you who you are. So why isn't he in therapy looking at his issues and healing himself? Happiness doesn't come from another person, place or thing, and when it does it's unfair to make that other person responsible for our happiness.
Carrie