Update from "Desperate for him" msg"

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2004
Update from "Desperate for him" msg"
2
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 3:47pm
Well things have gotten worse here, gosh how can they! Just joking I knew they could just trying to have a little sense of humor or I'll cry!

After our disagreement and my writing my first msg on this board the other day my guy avoided me all day yesterday, came home never even let me know he was here, never talked to me and after sleeping on our couch last night came into the office where I was this morning before going to work with his cup of coffee and sat down and didn't say anything, so I finally asked him if he wanted to talk and he said no. He then got ready and left for work.

At noon today he was coming down the road to our house when I was on my way to the gym and I rolled down my window and told him where I was going. He asked if I was going camping with him (we had made plans to go camping before this happened.) I told him I didn't know we were still going as he never talked to me yesterday and he said well we talked about it all week! I then said again I was going to the gym I needed to and he said "I'll see you Monday." Well, I went to the gym to release some stress and when I came home an hour later him and the RV were gone. I should be upset as it is my RV, I paid for it, but that doesn't really matter. What matters is he left without waiting for me and we needed to talk!

I don't know what to expect when he comes back and I don't know if I'll even be here when he does come back. I have to stop this craziness, this unhealthyness, though I am scared to death I feel like such a failure again!!!! Antoher lost love!!

He just came home as I am writing this and came into the house for something but did not come up to talk to me, as I was hoping he would but nope!! He left again so I don't know what he wanted or did. I am tired of trying, and understanding, he needs to do something for once instead of always me.

I feel numb thats about it! I can feel my stomach tighten up can't even cry! Is this good to feel numb! But I know once the tears start it will be unbearable!

I hope I didn't bore anyone here but writing helps so much it helps to get the clog out of my head. Thanks again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2004
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 6:18pm
Why don't you try "clear" communication? Say exactly what you're hoping for rather than trying to read his mind and expecting he can read yours. You have a very silent relationship with this guy. It's like you're both mad at each other and not sure what started it in the first place. Verbalize, verbalize, verbalize. Otherwise, you will drive yourselves crazy. It doesn't matter that you think he should know you want to talk. Stop playing mind games and the co-dependency. If you don't say it clearly, it's not going to happen. Use "I" statements - "I feel..." "I am concerned...." "I appreciate..." "I want to see..." "I care..." See if he would be willing to try a respectful communication aggreement based on both of your values. Address the real issues without attacking, being judgemental, or making degrading comments. Insist on it, if he refuses - say goodbye. Work on your personal communication skills. Look others in the eye when you talk with them. Build your confidence and self esteem. You'll like yourself better and others will see you as a confidant, friend. Wouldn't that be worth it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2004
Sat, 06-12-2004 - 12:57pm
I disagree with you I did try to talk. I did also try to give him space as I have heard men need. I left him alone to sort through his stuff (his being upset, angry at me which he maybe felt he had a right to as I had only called him once when I was gone that one day and overnight I thought that was enough gosh I was gone only 24 hours!)

One cannot make a person talk and doesn't one need to wait until they are reception open to talking so at least there is a better chance of it being productive?

I asked him that morning in the office if he wanted to talk he said no!! I was in a very calm mood at that time.

I thought he would wait the hour I was gone to the gym to talk to me when I came home, no he took off camping and my RV!!!! I needed to go to the gym to release stress and make me in a better place to talk more calmly if I would of talked at that moment it would not have been good.

I agree with you that we do have a silent relationship (especially if it comes down to something he doesn't want to talk about)which is alot of emotional stuff.

Your right communication communication communication!!!!