UPDATE!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE NAIVE...MEN READ

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2013
UPDATE!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE NAIVE...MEN READ
15
Sat, 09-14-2013 - 12:55pm

I need a man's advice. 

I have been seeing this guy for 7 months and I love him.  He says he loves me and he can see us together as husband and wife.  We can talk for hours and I feel like I can tell him anything, but it has been different lately.  He is younger than me by a year.  I don't have a problem with that, but I can still see the immature mentality he has at times.  The issue is, I feel alone in the relationship now.  For the past month, we haven't talked like we usually do.  I don't see him as much as I use to.  He claims he is always tired and I understood because he works 12 hour shifts.  When I tell him I miss him or I love him, he either doesn't respond or he gives me some off the wall response like how's your day going.  I'm very understanding, but I am not naive. I'm very busy myself with two jobs and school, but I always find the time to text him or respond to him.  That’s my love, so of course I'll make sure I give him the attention he deserves...but the same isn't being reciprocated to me.  That is why I am here asking for advice.  I think he doesn't have the same feelings for me anymore.  I just feel like if he really loved me and cared than he would find the time to text me back or come see me.  He text me the other night and said he was going to send me flowers, but he decided not to because he didn't know how I would react.  Of course I thought...you are full of it. I told him I would have loved them, thinking that maybe he will just send them now that he knows how I would react.  I thought wrong.  I never received flowers and I haven't heard from him since that night, which was 2 days ago. I try not to think negative, but I can't help it.  I've learned from my last relationship and I am trying not to bring the baggage into this new one.  So can someone help? I am all eyes! 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2013
Mon, 09-16-2013 - 6:19pm

Thanks for your response Serenity.  I would love to believe that something went wrong with his cell phone and he just couldn't contact me, but really?  Its been since Friday and I've sent two messages already.  Our conversation was normal on Thursday, so I don't know what could be the problem. The flower comment he made did throw me for a loop because I am thinking ... what girl wouldn't want flowers? So, I am going to wait it out. I can't imagine that things would come to an end like this, I find it very weird. But I have to also prepare myself for the disappointment that may arrive. I just want to thank everyone for commenting. I've been considering everyone's input. I will definitely update my threads with new details.... if any :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2013

I knew he was going out of town for the weekend, but whenever he goes out of town we always stay in contact.  He said he left his phone at home....which I find hard to believe. Mind you this does not excuse why he didn't text me back Friday morning because he was still in town.  So...with that being said I am slowly but surely stepping back.  I believe this was a sign that I should not ignore.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003

'..You may have scared him off with your questions, and trying to find out if this was a long term relationship.  Now you know, it wasn't.  You need to work on your self esteem, and understand that you have to love yourself before someone else will love you.'

Oh come off it woman!!! There's no such thing as 'scaring someone off''. And it's not about 'working on self-esteem' every time a new r-ship breaks down. The man was infatuated - for a few months. The feelings for some reason stopped..it happens. Just dissapeard. She couldn't have scared him off with anything if he felt more for her and if the feelings stayed. As for self-esteem....it just completely annoys me, this assumption that only confident self-assured/loving happy people can have good r-ships. This is just such utter nonsense. No matter how insecure, obscure, odd, sad, unsure of self...if the bloke's right for a girl, if the timing's right and the two people are right for each other...the r-ship WILL work. All those faults and imperfections included.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2013

Juliasuk, I agree with your post.  It's been a week since everything happened, so I've sucked it up and I'm slowly moving on.  I have some insecurities, but as far as my self esteem, I think its fine.  I love myself and I love how I look.  I think everyone has insecurities, if we didn't we wouldn't be human.  I believe he was infactuated and his actions has proved it.  As I said he did contact me after the 4 days, however his excuse for not contacting me was really a load of crap. Mind you, I didn't bother texting him after he told that lame story. He would text me, but the messages were very short and careless. So I finally told him that I can tell he has lost interest and that his attention was elsewhere.  That was a day ago and I didn't receive any response to that text.  Yes I am hurt and of course I get emotional because I am human.  I take this as a lesson learned and I know I have to move on. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003

Hey, if 84 is when you were born...the world's your oyster...!! You've got it all ahead of you yet. This was just a practice run, for the real thing. That's the only way to see it. I've had this  very same thing happen to me more times than I care to remember. All amazing, I adore you, my beloved, my world, blah blah blah...then sudden dissapearance for absolutely no reason. Guess what? I have now been very very happy with my hubby of 10 years. And I was by NO MEANS perfect  when we met as far as all those things (confidence, self-this, that and the other etc etc etc) you're supposed to have achieved 'within yourself' before you meet the right person- as pointless 'self-help' books tend to tell us!!

You just need to chuck it up to experience and move on to pastures new where new,  better, much  more handsome blokes await, and one of them will be right for you!!

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