Update: met ex for dinner

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Update: met ex for dinner
7
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 8:53pm
Thanks for you advise. I met him for dinner was surprise with what he had to say. he said he loves me and has for a long time. he said he knows he screw up and he don't know how to fix it. He answer all my questions and he feels he lost the best that ever happen to his life. I said no you threw me away. i told him how he hurt me and all the pain he caused. We talked for about three hours, i listen to him cry, talk etc. I ended up telling him if he wanted anything to do with me first the other women has got to move out and second we would have to go to couseling and third that i do not want to go up to his house. I also told him it will take lots of work he will have to work harder than he ever did before. He agree to it but only to say that he needs time to get her out. He don't want to hurt her. He said he will understand if I don't wait. But that he wanted me toknow that he never stop loving me. so this is what was said what do you guys think?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 9:46pm
Print this list. Wait and see. Go slow and stick to the agreement. Do not budge. Listen to your inner voice. Be careful. And before you have sex with him, make him agree to exclusivity/monogamy.

Why do men always have to lose something to realize what they had?

How do you feel right now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Wed, 06-09-2004 - 11:52am
I always tell my friends to beware of the "I'm not in love with her but I don't want to hurt her" line. It usually means that the woman still thinks there is a relationship and he hasn't been clear and upfront with her that it's over. Be very careful. You don't know what he's saying to her, and I always say the proof is in the action. I'd be cautious until she was actually out of the house, adn even then, be careful about follow up contact. Guys who "don't wanna hurt" the soon-to-be ex usually let things linger for a while before ceasing all contact.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 6:10pm
thanks west and goodfellagal,

Yes i am going very slowly. In fact nothing has really change in my area. My life is going on as usual and it's him that has to do the work. so really it's all up to him. I don't think there is anything i can do to rush it. If he takes too long though I am going to tell him he has to make a choice. I will just have to see what he does. Let me know what you think. I feel if he really wants me he would end it real soon. He wants to get her out of our building but that could take some time. I told him to be honest with her. I don't know what to think. I am keeping my eyes wide open this is for sure.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 7:31pm
It is good that you want to go slow and will keep your eyes open.

You cannot control how long it takes him to sort this out. But you can date other people.

No matter what - do not go out with him or have sex with him until he does sort this out. I would also be careful not to be too chatty with him at work. Keep your guard up.

Keep us posted!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 7:49pm
Thanks I will keep my guard up that is for sure. I will con't to date while I am waiting. Do you think I can believe what he said? He really did sound like he meant it but I can't believe he can't just get rid of her if he wants me so much. This is confusing I don't want to get my hopes up so I'm just trying to ride it out. I will not have sex or go out with him until he sorts this all out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 8:35pm
You cannot believe what he said until she is out of his life and he is standing on your doorstep with a bouquet of proverbial flowers in his hand.

I don't like how he is so wishy-washy. Who is to say that he didn't just have a fight with her and then miss you? Or maybe he just doesn't like the feeling of being rejected when you are so cold to him.

Men are funny creatures at times.

Your only choice is to wait. But yes, you should continue to stay very busy and to date other people in the interim. Your biggest question should be whether he is worthy of you, not the other way around.

I think you are doing so good because you have questions about trust.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 4:41am
I do agree he is wishy-washing and that drives me crazy. Yes I have many questions about trust. He said once he comes back he promise never to do this to me again. I told him the proof is in the pudding. I feel I willing to work on us if he follow through with my requirements but he has to do most of the work. He is the one that messed us up and only he can fix it. I am taking what he said as words right now. Nothing can happen until he gets her out of his life. I've grown alot through this and I'm not about to go back. i really don't think he is worthy of me, but for unknown reason that man has my heart. But I promise I will stay away from him until he sorts everything out. But I won't wait forever.