UPDATE:Future relatioship seems doubtful

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
UPDATE:Future relatioship seems doubtful
4
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 1:22pm
Last night i had the "talk" with my parents and nothing was gained by this convorsation other than validating my reasons my parents are unsupportive of my relationship with Will. Some major concerns of theres is that they do not think i should have to deal with another women's children and it will stop me from reaching my goals, as if i cant do it otherwise. then they said that even though they accept Will as a person they do not accept his past, which i think is a lie to cover their true feelings. i made it clear that everyone makes certain mistakes in their lives but just because he made one they dont approve of doesnt mean we dont belong together. god knows i have a past too, but that doesnt make me or anyone else a bad person(they feel differently). the kids were also discussed and they said that they are not welcomed in their home becuase they are not mine. i assured them that they will not be brought around my parents and they said that isnt fair to me. i said no it isnt fair to those children to be punished by you for something they cant control. they made the ground rules and now have to live with the consequence, but yet they feel its Will's fault for this happening. I asked that if i wasnt able to have children and wanted to adopt a child if they would accept that child in their home and the answer was no simply for the same reasons as Will's chirldren. I feel that it doesnt matter how a child of mine may come into this world, it will not be accepted and i will not submit and child of mine, wether blood or not, to that hateful atmosphere. Ultimately the problem has to deal with religion. my parents feel that all my decisions i am making are going against the person they have raised me to be, they are being pubished by god for those decisions, and the best thing for me to do is get back into church and read the bible on a daily basis. i assured them the problem isnt religion but a lack of communication, understanding, support, and acceptance between me and my parents. all of this is very discouraging but i stood up to my parents and told them what i believe and that i am not doing anything wrong. for three hours i heard them out but they disagrred with everything thing i said. so i have decided to respect their opinions but at the same time live my own life and be happy with the future i have chosen to take. as for me and Will, we talked about last night and he feels the same as i do about my parents, but knows that our relationship is strong and healthy and this will just be something we will have to deal with to be together. life is not easy and unfortunelty my parents are not supporting me on this topic so i will have to find support somewhere else. thank you to everyone who offered their opinion. i wouldnt of been able to have the talk with my parents last night if i didnt have the encouraging and wise words you all have offered here. im sure this situation is far from over, but at least i feel right and good about my decision to stay with Will!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 1:40pm
I've been where you are and heads up.

You're not up against someone's "opinion" here - you're up against their belief of right and wrong and heaven and hell.

The phrase "don't discuss religion, politics and money with people that don't share your views" is a valid one.

These people do NOT share your views, your beliefs - and thus there is NO WAY to do anything but "agree to disagree".

So cease seeking validation....and do your self-esteem wonders - get out of there, don't live with Will yet - do what you believe is right by yourself, Will and these children and cease to overmuch depend on or align with people who don't share your values and priorities - just because of the "position" they hold in your life.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 2:32pm
this situation is without any doubt a debate between my parents beliefs and mine. last night i told my parents that they've never even asked what my beliefs are becuase they are too concerened with what they want my beliefs to be. obviously there will be no changing in the way either of us believes about life but i am making the right decision and feel this will lead me to be a better person. i have made pland to find a career and a place of my own. i do not want to move in with Will until we are engaged(another thing my parents dont believe in), but that isnt until a few more years down the road. i also want to finish my degree i am working towards. so i have plenty to keep me motivated and on track with my future. too bad parents dont support any of those things either. i agree that it will be best for me to find people who have the same opinions as i do and to find support outside of the family, that is already begining! thank you again, you offered me so much advice that i am grateful to have found you on this message board. i will let you know how everything plans out for my future!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 2:51pm
Sounds like you are a loving, kind, compassion woman (too bad your parents don't see it) and it's sad to see prejudice, lack of tolerance etc, and people wonder why there is discrimination, hate crimes and righteous stands made all the time. God loves everyone, too bad your parents don't extend that type of unconditional love to you and your chosen family.

I'm grateful that my family was accepting of my step-daughter when I married her father. I'm also grateful that my bf's family has show the same warmth, loving concern for my son now that I am in their son's life.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 3:06pm
i think its funny how so many religious people do not see that discrimination always stems from them. but even they are not perfect and dont expect them to be. i do expect them to respect my opinons though, even if they dont agree. thank you for saying i am a loving women and even if my parents my not see that, Will and his family do and to me that is more important.