Update....still confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2007
Update....still confused
3
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 1:35pm

Hello everyone. I posted a couple of days ago under the title confused. Please read before reading this.


Well I talked to him yesterday. He was at work and granted he really couldn't talk much. Also, his boss is one of his best friends and not one the nicest people in the world. My ex listens to everything he tells him to do. Anyway, I asked him if he enjoyed the Christmas present I left for him on his porch. He said he hasn't opened it yet. I asked why not. He said I was waiting to open it in front of you. He told me that he loved me more than any woman he has ever loved. I am the only woman he ever wanted to marry. That he was so in love with me. That was before we broke up I assume. He said he cares so much about me. I asked him why it was so hard then. Why he couldn't just come back and he said he didn't know. I asked what he wanted and he said for us to be friends. To be able to just talk right now. I said I just can't do that. I said if you love the other woman and have moved on then just tell me. He told me that she is a good person, but that he didn't love her, he hasn't loved anyone else and he hasn't moved on. I said then what are you doing with her and he said I don't know. He has said that he would love to be able to talk to me in person and I asked why can't we talk in person and he said he just can't right now. I asked why not and he just kept saying he just couldn't. Everytime I asked him a direct question or put him on the spot he avoided the question and said he couldn't talk about it at work or said he had to go. I asked him if he knew what he really wanted and he said yes. I asked what it was and he said he wasn't going to tell me. He didn't want to lead me on or make any broken promises. He has told me for 3 months he was going to leave her but he just can't. If he doesn't love her, he's leading her on too right? He has told me that he would call me when he could and we would talk face to face. Well that hasn't happened. I also found out that he has his friends breathing down his neck telling him not to hurt this other girl. She is friends with his boss' wife. I asked him if he was happy and I said in general and he said you are trying to put me in a predicament to say something. I said no, just asking a question. I asked him if he really knew how much I loved him and he said yes. I then asked if he knew if wasn't because he had someone new and he said that he thought half and half. He kept saying that if I really wanted us to be together to just keep praying that things will work out. He said what is meant to be will be. He told me just to give him breathing room and let things happen. I know he loves me. But I don't understand why he is doing what he is doing. I feel like his friends are a big part of the problem. But then again he should be a big boy and make himself happy and not them. He told one of our mutual friends that he knows that I think this is a game and he told him that it's not a game. It's far from it. That he is not happy at all. Part of me really wants to think that things will work out and the other part thinks that I am being used as a backup plan. I just don't know what to think. Please all advice is much appreciated! Thanks!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 1:48pm

Just a note... We get about 15+ posts a day here with the title "confused" and if you want more responses or to have a more memorable situation, please don't choose vague subjects like "confused". I admit to skipping over a lot of questions which don't have any revealing information in the post subject.

Let this guy go. You think that he is stringing her along, but he's leading you on quite effectively as it is. You're obviously confused enough about him to write about it on a messageboard... The fact is, you can have no guarantees about this man. He's got you wrapped around his finger. He's playing you. And you're playing into it because he makes empty promises. He must be saying SOMETHING to the other girl to keep he around - use your brain. This man isn't acting as though you're the one for him.

Guys in this situation do not turn around and go back to their other girlfriend unless more exciting plans for other girls fall flat. You are not first and foremost in his world because he wants to have fun with other people. But he knows exactly what you want to hear and it's kept you around so far.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 2:16pm

When he says, "I don't know", he means he doesn't want to tell you. He doesn't want to tell you the truth, because you're right - he'd lose his back-up girl. A man who loves a woman doesn't need breathing room, doesn't date other women, and doesn't want to be "just friends".

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 5:20pm

Welcome back to the board sterfrn06,


If wanted to be with you, he would be with you and wouldn't be with this other woman. Don't you want to be with someone who wants to me with you. Not someone that says that he doesn't know and won't answer your questions. I am sorry, but I think it is time to move on.


Best of luck to you.

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