Ups and Downs

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2007
Ups and Downs
7
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 11:28pm

Hi all, I am new to this board and am looking for some advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2006
In reply to: fsb567
Wed, 10-03-2007 - 12:56am

I think you should take some time away for your bf. He is your significant other and you two are heading down the marriage path. Your Law School is not your only life, he is. I can understand that Law School can be a lot of pressure, but you need to not let that take away from your relationship with him!

If you want to communicate with him, make time for a good date, and gradually bring up your concerns and needs in a nice way....

Good Luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: fsb567
Wed, 10-03-2007 - 12:47pm

Welcome to the board fsb567,


Sounds like the two of you got an overdose of each other while staying together and both of you have now seen how the other behaves and acts under pressure and it sounds like he's having issues with what he's seen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: fsb567
Wed, 10-03-2007 - 12:48pm

Welcome to the board fsb567,


I think your bf felt your relationship was safe when it was long distance. Now that you are close he is thinking that you are thinking more about marriage, etc now and he has said he isn't ready for that yet. So I think he is just freaking out right now.


Sit down with him and tell him your concerns. Tell him that you feel the relationship has become more distant than it was when you actually had distance between you. Let him know you want to fix things and ask him what is wrong. Hopefully he will open up to you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2007
In reply to: fsb567
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 3:13pm

Hi Carrie,


Thank you for getting back to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: fsb567
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 3:45pm

Hi bsb567,


Herre are some links to other iVillage boards that could really help.


Article

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
In reply to: fsb567
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 5:09pm
Hi fsb567. My name is Misty, and I'm the CL on the Let's Talk About Sex board. Carrie has given you some great links. I hope you'll stop by and join our community. It's a very easy environment to talk about sex in, and you'll get lots of great advice from the other members.



I've read through your post here, and it looks like you and your BF are going through a lot of growing pains. Sometimes it's easier to discuss the future when it doesn't seem so close. Now that you're living near him, it seems like he's feeling a little anxious while realizing some of the possible changes in his life.



I also read that you're concerned about his sexual experience compared to yours. He knows that you were a virgin, so I'm sure he understands that you are just learning about so many things. There's a great website, the-clitoris, that deals with female sexuality. It's very detailed and provides you with some great insight into the complex sexuality of women. It might even be a sight you want to share with your BF. Believe it or not, having years of experience, and multiple partners doesn't necessarily make someone a better lover! A good lover is as concerned about the pleasure of their partner as they are their own -- if not more. It's great that you're trying to learn new things, and that you want him to be satisfied, but it shouldn't be your only goal (or his). Since WOT is typically a position that women really enjoy, hopefully his goal here is primarily for your pleasure.



If you want to stop by the board and post about the WOT position, many members there will give you tons of details about how that position works for them. I also have a lot of resources (articles and such) that I can give you links for. I hope you'll stop by and check the board out. Feel free to read through the threads that are already there too, you'll find there's a lot going on, and the members are very helpful.














my partner in the siggy exchange



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
In reply to: fsb567
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 5:32pm
Hi fsb567. I host the Make Him Moan board that Carrie gave you the link to, and I wanted to stop by and invite you to check it out when you're ready to. We don't bite... honest!

It sounds like you have a lot going on, from both a relationship and a sex perspective. Like Carrie I wonder whether he knows that you get almost no pleasure from what he's asking you to do, and if so what his reaction has been to that? It's great that you've been willing to try what he wants, but you shouldn't let his greater experience translate into his taking greater control of your sex life together and what it consists of. It isn't healthy for either of you, nor for your relationship, if that becomes the case. He may have had more sex than you have, but you know what feels good to you and what doesn't, and what you're comfortable with and what you aren't. Learn to listen to those voices, and trust them. The best sex takes place when both partners are there with the goal of maximizing their mutual pleasure, not when one partner (read: the guy) is primarily concerned with what works best for them.



I'd also second Carrie's recommendation that if you're going to stick with trying WOT, that you work on pleasing yourself first and not worry so much about how he wants you to do it, at least while you're getting the hang of it. WOT is primarily about the woman's pleasure, not the man's... what a man primarily gets out of WOT is a great visual, and a great perspective from which to observe our partner's pleasure... so if it isn't working for you then it hardly seems worthwhile. To that end, the motion in WOT should be more of a grinding motion than a thrusting one, in order to maximize the stimulation on your clitoris.



Best of luck to you as you work through this, and please do feel free to stop by and check out MHM when you're ready.