Verbally Abuse Husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2009
Verbally Abuse Husband
10
Tue, 10-18-2011 - 7:01pm

I have been married for 8 yrs and it has always been alot of arguments. We live 4 hrs away from all of our family and we have twin girls which we concieved thru IVF and we r blessed to have. I stay at home while they just started going to daycare half day. Sounds great but since my husband controls the money he has become very nasty towards me. Criticizing my weight, how i keep the house to how my family is trash because they dont help with anything. I just feel like he doesnt like me but he stays with me becaus eof the kids. I dont have the money to leave and sometimes I dont want to because he can have his nice moments like remodeling th ebathroom for th ekids. He is always yelling at me and trying to put me down infornt of people and I finfd myself embarrassed and just remaining mum. I dont want my marriage to end but I do want to be a good example for my kids. I feel so lost and not sure which direction to take, I keep making excuses for his behavior but is it me provoking him or is he just not good for me.

Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 10-18-2011 - 8:52pm

I surely don't think that being w/ someone who is constantly yelling at you & criticising you is a good situation to be in--and you are going to show your girls that a woman's place is to shut up and take yelling & criticism even if she doesn't deserve it--is that what you want them to believe?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 10-18-2011 - 10:27pm

wow; I agree with Music .

You also need to find a way to save money and have a good plan just in case one day you

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2009
Wed, 10-19-2011 - 6:43am

this morning to hold the baby so I can give Tylenol because she keeps waking up screaming so I thought it was because of teething. He came from down stairs because he decided that he doesnt want to sleep in th ebed with me. He would rather sleep on the sofa. While he's holding th ebaby he's telling me how I am such a dumb itch becuse i should have given it last night. He doesn't love me and He doesn't give a f if my family comes from out of town to visit me he is not going to be here because my family doesnt do s for me but try to turn me against him. Im just so numb inside and lonely and distraught I have about $4,000 dollars in a retirement account

Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 10-19-2011 - 8:04am

Is there anyway you could move back in with your family or any family member and get a part time job?

I would discuss these things with your family when they come and tell them what is going on...

I know how hard it will be with the babies but isnt it harder staying with an abuser?

That wont be enough money to start over.. Are there any part time jobs where you live???

Is there a domestic abuse hotline or agency you can call to discuss options?? I would find them and call and see what programs are available for you.

If you did decide to leave he would have to pay maybe spousal support and child support.... but you would have to check with a lawyer on that....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Wed, 10-19-2011 - 9:03am

If your kids are in daycare half of the day, there is no reason you can't find yourself a part-time or full-time job. You don't have many options until you have an income of your own. You may not want your marriage to end, but how will you feel when your daughters grow up and experience the same abuse that you're going through? You wouldn't ever wish that on them... But children emulate their parents' relationship because it's their definition of "normal". Show them what a strong woman is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Wed, 10-19-2011 - 2:45pm

Is your family coming? That's great! Tell them EVERYTHING. Ask for advice (don't promise you'll take it). If they offer you a place to stay, pack your kids and as much stuff as you can carry and go with them when they leave.

Tell your husband you're leaving after you get wherever you're going. When he cries and begs and says he didn't realize you were unhappy, don't give in. He knows you don't like his treatment, but he likes to hand it out, and he truly believes that your job is to take it. He will have to pay child support, and possibly spousal support, so you won't be trying to make it on your own with no financial help. When you get to your destination, go to see an attorney about establishing custody and a visitation schedule, and DON'T see him by yourself or let him take the girls anywhere without you and at least one other adult.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 10-19-2011 - 3:55pm

That is exactly what I said.. I guess you didnt read my post.

Only thing is that I am so afraid of giving answers to people because I feel you cant tell someone what to do ...

I can only go by experience and I got away from a verbally abusive husband. They dont change and yes they think they can dish out whatever they want.

I do think the OP should leave with her family and go to a lawyer asap and see what her rights are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Wed, 10-19-2011 - 7:48pm
Hi! I did read what you posted, but felt that you were giving her important ideas to think about, while I was providing some possibilities of steps she could take. We just have different approaches. Glad you're out, and able to offer support to others.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 10-19-2011 - 10:56pm

ooops;; sorry about that.. Dont we know each other from other boards?

Anyway;; I always feel like I am treading water when posting to people sometimes.. I dont want to give out wrong info.because each person is different and each situation is different and I am not any kind of therapist................

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 10-20-2011 - 8:24am
You are right about that, Free--I'm not a therapist, either. So, OP, take my comments as suggestions from an interested person who wants the best for you. Whether you decide to try them or not, please be sure to give consideration to the questions Free posted, to give you insight into your situation and how you feel about it.