Very Confused and could definitely use some advice! Please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2012
Very Confused and could definitely use some advice! Please!
7
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 11:22pm

Hey I am Ellie. I posted my situation on another board but decided to post here as well. I will get right to the point. The situation I find myself in with my boyfriend, Ben is complicated. We have been together for almost two years. We have been friends for four. We met at college. Ben is from another state and recently moved back to that state, in order to be near his family for a little bit and earn some money and I had every plan of visiting. Ben says he has every intention of moving back here in a few weeks or in June.

His dad had recently survived cancer when Ben moved home. His dad is doing great. I have never met his parents due to the fact Ben rarely went home and they didn't have the money to visit. I have met one of Ben's friends who did visit. When his friend visited, he hit on me and I turned him down. His friend, a few months ago spread lies about me to Ben's parents because he was hurt that I turned him down. Ben's parents told me that they didn't want me with him or having contact really with him and told him the same thing, even though Ben is an adult and should control his own life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

Sorry, but Ben needs to grow a spine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
I completely agree with fissatore about your BF needing to grow a spine. Your BF lets his parents manipulate and contol his life. Imagine what your life would be like with these people for inlaws. They will try to control your maried life, and if you ever had their grandchildren I could see them being critical of your parenting skills, how you budget your money, etc, etc. I have a long time friend who's inlaws made her life miserable with their constant criticism of just about everything she did. My friend was ( is) a wonderful wife and mother, but no matter what she did it was NEVER good enough for the inlaws, and because of this my friend has spent hours on the shrinks couch because of an inferiority complex. So if I were you I would seriously start thinking about what your life would be like in the future, cause if you end up marrying this guy you will have to deal with people that already dislike you due to some false rumors spread by his friend. Most mature adults would hear out both sides of the story before deciding the worse about someone they've never even met. But then again it's possible your BF is making all this stuff up about his parents because he has no intention of coming back and he doesn't have the balls to tell you, and crying for 7 HOURS, I'm sorry but it really does sound like your BF may be somewhat emotionally unstable. It's really up to you if you want to stay with him, but if you do I would seriously consider not living near his parents. GOOD LUCK.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004

I have a somewhat different view of this, Ellie: You have no idea what is really going on in Ben's hometown.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2012

Thank you all for your advice. Many of you had a question on how I found out that Ben's parents wanted him to break up with me and how I found out about the friend spreading rumors. His parents got my number off an old phone bill of his (since they pay it and I was the only one he was talking to with a New York area code, all his other friends at school had a different area code to start their number). Anyways his parents called. His dad screamed at me only because of the lies his friend told. His mom called me as well and informed me that his friend had been talking to them and she too yelled at me (for no reason).

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

You are dating a man who is emotionally unable to maintain an adult relationship with you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2004

Wow they screamed at you on the phone and you listened?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Well then would you really want these people to be your future inlaws? Your young and probably not thinking that far ahead, but I can't express enough to you how having the inlaws from hell will be a tremendous stress on your married life if you ever decide to marry him.