A Very Confused Mess

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
A Very Confused Mess
4
Sun, 03-18-2007 - 5:04pm
I've been seeing this guy for about 2 months. I've known him for a while but when we first met, I was seeing someone else. Anyway though, I like him a lot and I guess he feels the same way. Sometimes I just don't understand him. He's in the military, so I don't see him a lot becasue of the way he works. He works a day and a half and then is off a day and a half. When I do see him though we usually spend the whole day or night together. After a few weeks of going out I asked him, what was he looking for out of our relationship because he wasn't from where i lived and I knew eventually he would be going back home. He told me he wanted us to continue dating and see where it would go. I took this to mean that all it was is a fling because he intended to go back home and continue on with his life. Then a few weeks ago he told me that he was going to stay and when I asked him why: he said for me. Now normally this would sound good and everything but at the same time he told me that one of hiw old girlfriends called him and told him that she was having his child. He told me that they hadn't been together for about 6 or 7 months and that he didn't even know that she was pregnant. I was fine with this and I think that my reasction surprised him because he said that he expected me to get mad but I felt that he wasn't with her it was before he knew me so why should I get angry. Ever since that day I just felt that something was off. He would get frustrated with me whenever someone would text me when we were out together. It's more then that though, I just feel like he has someone in his home town that's waiting for him but i don't know. One day he let me go through his text messages because he had read mine and there were a lot from this girl saying that she loved him and he would text her back saying he felt the same way. There was one where she was upset because he wasn't answering his phone and she felt that he didn't feel the same way anymore and he text her to call him right then so they could talk. This proved to me that something was going on. To make matters worse though is that I think that he is going to ask this girl to marry him and that my first thought about our realationship as being nothing more then a fling is true. I think this because the other day when we were together he had a jewelry book of engagement rings in his car and when he saw me looking at it he told me not to be going through his stuff which made me curious and I saw that he had circle one of the rings and had written things beside it. I asked him about and he told me that he was just looking and when I asked who it was for he laughed and said me, and then he just said that he just took it when him and his friends were in the mall and changed the subject. All of this is complicated and I just don't know what to think. I would rather he was honest about seeing someone else. Sometimes I think I'm just making something out of nothing. Should I confront him about it or leave it alone?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2006
Sun, 03-18-2007 - 5:14pm
I think you're answering your own question here... He's up to something, and it doesn't sound like it's your best interest that he has at heart. Trust your instincts! Good luck...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Sun, 03-18-2007 - 5:31pm
This does sound as if it is very complicated. Since I am dating a retired military man I know how difficult their relationships are. They often think they want to settle with someone, but are transferred so far away that it doesn't work out. They must frequently leave even a wife behind for months or even years, and the relationship may flounder or fall apart. If they are stationed in a combat area the stress often desensitizes them.

You have only known him two months and that isn't nearly long enough to decide your future. If the situation appears to have many problems you would be better off to severe your ties, or suggest he deal with his pregnant girl friend before becoming involved with you. I know it seems hard now, but living with his situation will be even harder.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 5:53pm

Hi casinogurl and welcome to the board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 6:21pm
He has a baby on the way and is involved with someone else. Find someone who is available and honest.