Very Confused - please help

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Very Confused - please help
3
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 9:10am
I need advice. I've been married 2 1/2 years but have been with my DH for almost 9. My bro came to me and told me that my DH had tried to get physical with his wife a couple of weeks ago. When I confronted my DH he said it was just a 3 second kiss initiated by her. She told my bro as soon as it happened and that he tried for more. All 3 of these people are my best friends. We hang out every week and call each other every day. I have no reason to think any of these people would lie to me. I feel like I'm being pulled in 1,000 directions and don't know what to do. When I mentioned MC to DH he said "Why,there's nothing wrong" he claims he loves me with all of his heart and swears on his life that he's telling the truth. Right now I don't know who to believe or even what to do from here. This all happened yesterday. It took my bro 2 weeks to even tell me. I feel like I'm being pushed to make a decision right now about the rest of my life. What do I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 11:22am

First off, your husband treating marriage counseling like he's going to be strapped to a lie detector test isn't that great a sign. Second, why do you need to know who initiated it? Maybe they both did. They did something stupid and I think they both owe you an apology. Count 3 seconds in your head - yeah, you'd have enough time to quickly pull away and say "this is wrong."

If neither of them have given you a reason to mistrust them before, I would let this one go without thinking too much of it. You'll drive yourself crazy thinking about who started it without getting any answers. And if ever you're confronted with news like this again, you'll be a little more in the loop.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 1:22pm
That's part of the problem. Neither one of them have given me a reason before to mistrust them. I could probably let it go since we were partying and both had way too much to drink. However, the other parties involved are so angry with each other that it can't be let go. After talking to H again today he is willing to do whatever it takes not to lose me over this. MC and IC have come up again and he is willing to do both to save our marriage. I have never been a jealous type but she is and has always been like that so part of me thinks she's making more out of other actions and conversations on both sides which is making this even more difficult for me. She has been my best friend for 6 years and I don't want to lose her over this either. I feel like I'm backed into a corner and made to choose, which isn't fair. I don't believe on just giving up on marriage or friendships over something this small. I is making me mistrust the closest people in my life. I believe if it was nothing he should have come to me and he admitted that mistake and apologized again and again. But she is standing by her story no apologies. It's awful not to be able to believe anyone in this situation. H has always told me and continues to tell me that I am the best thing that ever happened to him and will always be. He feels like he's backed into a corner too since he feels that the truth has not been told. I don't know who to believe. Thanks for listening.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 4:42pm
It could be that, since they were drinking, the truth was muddled and forgotten about by alcohol. It happens. I'm glad your husband is willing to do whatever it takes... I think that since drinking was involved, it is unclear whether or not you will ever glean the truth from this situation (or either one will admit to it). If you still trust them both then you might do best to chalk it up to alcohol and be wary of the next time you all drink together.