(very long) It's only been a year
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| Mon, 02-25-2008 - 11:34am |
It’s only been a year…
… and I am already trapped in a 10 year sexless marriage. At least that is what it feels like. And I have no one to blame but my self and I just don’t know how to fix it.
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year and three months. I love him and there is no doubt in my mind that he loves me and that he wants to be with me. But I don’t like where we are right now. I just don’t think it is normal that after only a year of dating I practically have to coerce him into having sex with me (by giving him guilt trips or making comments). There’s no seducing him (and at this point I don’t even try after being rejected so many times) and there’s no interest in his part. We no longer kiss unless we are about to have sex which as I said is every other week. He doesn’t hold my hand. Basically there is no romance or passion in the relationship. I understand if we were in this rut after years of marriage and kids and all the things that life throws at you. But I am 23, he is 25 and we are just dating.
Things happened really fast between me and him. After only 2 months we were already in love and sure we wanted to have kids and get married and do it all. I really wanted to spend every waking moment with him. I was just so consumed by the relationship. Little by little I started losing my self. I was the type that didn’t say no to him at all. And he got spoiled. You know how at the beginning everything is ok and nothing bothers you and then you wake up one morning and see all the things that were wrong.
It all started with the broken promises. He told me that he wanted to move in with me and that he was going to be ready by April (of 07). Then april came around and he wasn’t ready because he hadn’t gotten the promotion he was waiting for. As much as a disappointment as it was I tried to understand and I let it go. I had to move so I moved in on my own. Then, I moved again this time into my very own apartment. By September when I was already in my own apartment, where he stayed over every day, when he finally got his promotion, I was sure he was going to move in with me. And he didn’t. He tells me that it’s a big move and that he is not ready. And it is. I know it is but why did he go on and open his mouth if he wasn’t sure.
He talks a lot about the future and this and buying a house and all. He told me (and some of my family members) that he was going to ask for my hand in marriage when we went to Paris in April of this year. Then later on he told me that he wasn’t sure if he was going to do that. Another disappointing day.
He recently told me he was gong to start giving me $200 for rent since he stays in my house every single day and that he realized that was he was doing was wrong. Yesterday he tells me that he changed his mind. I am tired it’s things like these and other little ones that occur every day that just make me wonder.
Everything else is a priority but me. If his friend wants to go to the city it’s a go. But when I want to go it’s a No!
Lately he’s been all defensive and if I say the pen is blue to him the pen has to be red and he talks to me so nasty.
You must all be thinking why I am still with him. Everyone I tell this too tells me to just break up but I want to fix it but I am losing hope. I have talked and talked and talked to him so many times about it all and he promises me he’s going to make an effort and then he doesn’t. And I am sitting here writing all these things about him so I can get ya’lls advise and I feel so stupid.
I just want to date again and have fun and I am not having fun. I am not happy. I am not. Love is not the only thing that keeps a relationship moving forward. It’s like a person who takes all the necessary precautions to make sure the heart is healthy but is letting the lungs die and the brain die and all the other important elements of the body are just withering away.
He is very loving and funny and he lets me know he loves me but it’s not enough. I need a man who’s going to keep his word and who is not going to talk out f his ass. I want someone who is going to make me feel wanted and alive and who I can have fun with. Monday through Friday he’s in bed by 8 cuz he wakes up early and then the weekends he’s in bed by 8 cuz (whatever reason he wants to use). I want passion. I want sex, I want adventure. I do. I want to be happy.
Girls, please advise me as to how to fix it. I am going to talk to him today and I am going to tell him I don’t want him in my place anymore. I want to date.
Am I being spoiled? Am I asking for too much? Please help me!

'Everything else is a priority but me.
Before I begin, I want to
Welcome to the board iv_leidy101,
I hope you are able to take the good advice you've gotten.