Very sad

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Very sad
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 7:43pm
Hi. I'm hoping someone out there can either identify with me or has some advice for me.

I've been in a relationship for a year-and-a-half. This man is my best friend. I tell him everything, and I love him dearly.

Just yesterday we were in bed, and I tried to initiate sex. He turned around and gave me an orgasm, but then didn't allow me to return the favor. This has happened more than once, and I have called him on it in the past, but he always gives me some excuse - this time, I believe I got the truth from him.

He told me that there was something missing in our physical chemistry and that he had always thought that and that the only reason he'd never done anything about it or said anything was because he was hoping this would change. He says that he wants us to work because we have such wonderful chemistry on all other aspects of our relationship. He doesn't want to leave me and I don't want to leave him, but how do we overcome the fact that he's physically attracted to me. He says he is attracted to me, but there is still something missing physically. And he says it isn't anything that I'm doing or not doing. He just doesn't have that "spark" or "fire" that he needs to have with me. For him, it's as though talking on the phone to me is sufficient because I fulfill some kind of emotional need.

I don't want to be with someone who feels obligated to have sex with me. Is it possible I have somehow killed his attraction for me? In the past, when I have gone away on trips or haven't seen him for some time, he seems to be more into me. Last Valentines Day I came back from a 3 week family trip and he seemed like he couldn't get enough of me. Perhaps I'm around too much lately and his attraction for me has disappated.. he actually told me yesterday he feels like we're some old married couple.

Should I try keeping some distance away from him to see if he "misses" and wants me, or should I just let him go, even though we love each other?