very tired and upset

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
very tired and upset
2
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 11:49am
Dear Ms,

I knew a guy about seven years ago, we were colleagues at work, by time we became much closer, very much friends. about two and a half years ago we both left work and moved to new different companies, but that did not decrease our relationship, on the contrary, it became much deeper, he used to phone me about 4 or five times a day. I used also to notice too much words, small action that does not mean except one thing - that he loves me.

I would like to mention here the type of character of this guy, he is very nice, polite, religious, committed, not talkative, not ambitious, not a risk taker. may be he is not ready to get married now ( but this is not a problem to me).

I would like also to add that we are living in a society that is somewhat closed.

About one year ago I decided to ask him what he thinks about our relationship and what am i from his point of view, and i did...but..... unfortunately, he did not answer, and finally he told me that the answer is no.. i don't mean something special to him and we are just friends....I decided to cut this relationship. Three months after, we started to talk again (I did that because i was sure that what he said was not the truth), and I found him very upset, ... but that was not for too long until I opened the subject again , but then he answered the same as last time. Since that time we are living in the same circle( we talk, I open the subject, he answer the same answer, we stop talking for months)but I can tell that he never wanted to be far.

I want to mention also another thing that looks strange to me which is, every time we stop talking he became very upset, very weak,... i can tell that i heard him as crying... to the extend that i could not continue not talking to him, and i come back, but once he is sure that i'm back and he feels as if i'm his.. he converts to be another one.. i mean he starts to have too much self confidence, became very proud on me, and when i mention that i'm upset because i do not understand what he is doing or thinking of, he just ignores me as if he does not care.

Now we are not talking for two months, I really like the guy too much but I don’t want to phone him because I’m worried that he is still arrogant.

I don't know what to do, I really need to understand what he is doing, my life turned to be miserable.… but i do like him very much.

Please advice

TT




Edited 3/29/2004 1:10 pm ET ET by tootatooto
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 12:25pm
Have you read: He's Scared, She's Scared by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol

Sounds like he's not ready to risk getting any closer, probably has some issues he's not willing to address either.

You can't love him enough to change him, heal him or make him want to share more than he already is.

I think it's the right decision not to contact him.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 1:16pm
I think you would be wise not to contact him. You two have been doing this yo-yo thing for long enough. Why do you want to keep causing yourself this anguish? You'd do much better for yourself to seek affection elsewhere.

Clearly he's not in a place in his life where he can/is willing to give you what you deserve. Regardless of the reason, take comfort in knowing that this is something he and time will just have to work out.

Good luck,

Ivy