Waiting is the hardest part

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007
Waiting is the hardest part
1
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 9:53am
I have been dating my bf for about 9 months. We are both divorced and have boys that are about the same age. He has made me the happiest that I have ever been in out relationship. We have had a very good relationship and planned on moving in together in Septemenber. We even painted a bedroom for my son last month so that he can start adjusting ahead of time.
His ex was his highschool sweetheart and they have been divorced for 3 years, but he is very good friends with her and he is closer to her family than his own. About half way into our relationship he told me that his ex wanted to move a few states away to be closer to her family, but that he told her that he would not move because of me. He made it a point to tell me how big of a deal that was for him because he has wanted to move down there for years. It meant a lot to me then and now he tells me that he is considering it again and would like me to go with him. He says it is a now or never decision because he would not do it once we were moved in together and settled. He cannont move unless his ex moves. She owns a company, is in a new relationship and is a bit unreliable, so he told her that she needs to decide if it is even an option for her, so that he can see if it is an option for him. He says he is not really even looking anything until she decides- he is not even sure it would be feasable for him to move. He said the he was afraid to tell me just in case no of it happened, but just in case it did he wanted me to know. I am totally devestated at the thought that he could walk away like that and I feel like the back up plan. I feel like she still has control over him, even though he would never admit it. He says that he doesnt want anything to change between us and he knows he is flakey and is sorry for making me worry. I understand his reasoning for considering it, but I just feel like he should want to have a family of his own and get close to my family who already consider him and his son family. I know we have not been together that long, but I just don't want to be without him and I am having a hard time trying to act like it is not killing me. He is very supportive and comforting and he knows how hard it is me. I just wish I could not sit and think about it everyday. I keep telling myself that his ex will not get it together and that it wont happen, but until then, I am left waiting. I am not going to beg him to stay, but god I want to. What should I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 1:32pm

Welcome to the board willsmom123,


I can understand your bf wanting to move if his ex moves so can he remain close with his son. He invited you to move with him. Would this be an option for you. If not, than tell him you can not move and he will have decide what he wants to do knowing what your decision is.


I can understand you being upset that he wants to move and basically leaving to decision in his ex's lap.

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