Waiting to Propose??!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2003
Waiting to Propose??!?
6
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 9:51am
I picked out my engagement ring and was with my boyfriend when he bought it a month ago. It wasn't ready until a week later, which he picked up alone. My boyfriend asked my dad for permission to marry me over a week ago. So...I am just WAITING for him to actually pop the question.

I'm impatient for 2 reasons. All of our families and friends KNOW that he has the ring so everyone keeps asking me if he has proposed yet. We are wanting to get married in 5 months and have a big wedding, which requires much planning. My parents are not willing to put down any deposits to secure the reception site, ceremony site, photographer/videography, flowers, cake, ect until we are officially engaged.

I'm sure my boyfriend is trying to come up with some grand proposal, but he has never been speedy about doing anything. Also, his work requires him to work most weekends, so we don't always get a weekend or even a weekend evening to spend together. I need him to hurry up and propose! Is there a nice way that I can tell him to hurry up and ask me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2004
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 11:21am
My advice: Don't. My wife and I have had a wonderful 18 years, but I'm just stubborn enough that had she pressured me more than she did it would likely be 16 or 17 years. 2 weeks after she knew I had the ring (she found out by snooping) and after I had talked to her Father she brought it up but I was working a lot then as well and had not had time to put a decent proposal in place. I reminded her of this but she bugged me again a couple days later. The third time I gave in and proposed right then and since then she has felt that she deprived herself because she rushed me into a simple proposal instead of being patient and waiting for something romantic. I know the clock is ticking but you already know he does not have much of that to spare.

My advice is to give hime some slack before you start figuring out how to change his plans.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2004
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 11:33am
Chill out. Don't ruin the moment.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 3:38pm
I HAVE to agree with the other posters on this. I was pressuring my guy as well. When I did I could tell it stressed him out and maybe even made him not want to do it because maybe he thought "if she is acting like this when she knows i'm going to propose, what will she do about other things." We had gone ring shopping but hadn't bought anything. He wanted to do this huge romantic thing with a big fat ring with a big fat diamond...and that's just not me. So I decided to lay off of him and maybe just mention here or there "Oh I like that ring because it's not showy, just simple" and what not. Well wouldn't you know it 2 weeks later he got his wisdom teeth out and after the meds wore off and I was taking care of him he said "See, this is why I love you. You love me and take care of me and you want wonderful things for yourself. I wanted to do something really special for you because thats what you deserve, but I can't wait another minute to ask you to be my wife." *tear* Okay yeah maybe he was a little loopy from the drugs, and maybe his speech was slurred and he had gauze in his mouth, but it was the most romantic thing.

Anyway, the moral of my story is...when the right moment comes, it comes. I planned my wedding in 3 months, because of my parents and other things. It wasn't the biggest thing in the world, just close family and friends, but in my opinion that's more romantic and special because this will be the most special day of your life. Why should your dad's cousins friend be on the guest list to share in your special moment right? :) If you stop talking about it I bet it will happen a lot faster. Plus, you are lucky, most guys don't even go ring shopping, get a ring, or talk about the future with the women that want to marry them so badly. You know it's going to happen, so sit back and wait for fireworks! Enjoy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 3:39pm
Marriage is going to be such a let down for you, trust me.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 4:15pm
What the...where did that come from? lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 4:20pm
It's just a fact.....it's something to thik about.

Engagement is a status, marriage is an institution......and it seems that she's all fired up and focused on getting a status...to enter into an institution.

Status usually doesn't have work, effort, sacrifice, and requirement attached to it - the institution does.


She just sounds more interested in being the princess bride...than the 8-5 wife.

and that means marriage is going to be a downer....because once all the planning is done, the ceremony is past, she's been the star of a show...she's going to have to do all the work, with nobody giving her applause and kudos for doing it.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com