want to believe him, but confused (long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2008
want to believe him, but confused (long)
12
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 1:48pm

I really don't do a lot of these, but when I am about the point of breaking I need to vent. This may be long so I am pre-warning anyone who reads this! My husband and I have been married for a year, have a 10-month old, and just moved into our new place (a very busy/up and down kind of year.


So the other day while H was at work I was playing around on the computer and I went onto a website that he and I buy stuff from now and then, and we have an account on that page. But I did not remember the password and I knew

CALA               &nbs

Pages

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 2:44pm

Oh, sweetie, that is such a lame excuse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2008
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 2:56pm
Thank you, I told him I might want to see a counselor and he said whatever it takes to make me feel better. I mean I want to believe it wasnt him and well his brother/family is a well too much to get into right now and have done hurtful things to me in the past so I wouldnt put it past them. But I just dont want to be naive and I am afraid thats what I am doing, because I love him. Aand other than this he is a great husband. He helps with the baby and is a wonderful father, very sweet and caring. I am just confused and thank you for your response, helps to know someone is listening and will take a look from a different POV.



CALA
CALA               &nbs
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2008
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 4:07pm

Cala,


Oh goodness.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2008
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 4:55pm
I know I think I just needed to hear it from an outside source and that I wasnt being a nagging untrusting wife. Thank you, I am thinking we will have to go to counseling. But now its not the fact he did it, its the lie and to keep going with the lie. I mean in the emails it was just asking for pics and I know there was nothing physical so I think had he just admitted in the first place I could have just worked through it and deal, but know I dont know what I want to do since I have been betrayed, not in one way but two!!



CALA
CALA               &nbs
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 5:16pm
I dont believe him . He will probably dig in his heels and be adament about it even in therapy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2008
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 5:31pm
hi there, i have to be honest w u. i had the same experience a few years back, it started w the email and of course my bf at the time would just deny til he is blu...i let it go then i caught him again this time w the phone bill---and he still tried to deny it saying no clue who it is or who used his phone or its the phone company's mistake, but guess wat i sat there dial the # with him there and guess who answerd the same looser that he was cheating with...in ur case it's ur husband and sounds like he is willing to fix things so hopefully couseling will help u 2...good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2008
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 10:41am

Well I just wanted to respond to everyone and say Thank You for all of your advice.


Last night after I had read most of these I sat down with my husband for dinner and pretty much just laid it on the table! I told him that although I really want to believe him, I really just would not understand until I had answers and if that meant I had to get software or computer people to come trace things on the computer then I would have to do that. And he was okay with it, cause he said he really wants me to do what ever I feel is necessary. And when I said something about one of the e-mails he said, what did it say? So I asked him, "that night when you came home and I showed you what I saw, didn't you sit down and read them?" and he said "no, I just deleted them and closed out the other sites you had in the window." So he never even read what I was accusing him of, which I know if someone was accusing me of something I would want to know. Well come to find out he (after I told him what I read) he said well "I am sorry cause I think if it was just asking for pictures it might have been me, but I never had any conversations with anyone or called or anything more than

CALA               &nbs
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 1:15pm

Wow - pretty much the same thing happened to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 1:18pm

::he said well "I am sorry cause I think if it was just asking for pictures it might have been me, but I never had any conversations with anyone or called or anything more than

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2008
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 8:50pm

In response to last couple of posts, the emails I found were from last Sept/Oct and that is when I had told him that I was not comfortable with the porn and etc and he did stop and when I checked his e-mails there really wasn't any except that crazy spam that hell I even get in my junk box. So really this all happened awhile ago, and I was just now finding out about it.And he knows that I find it inappropriate so that's why he got rid of it, plus I said you know soon your daughter will be able to play on the computer and do you want her to accidently open something like that? And I could tell by his face he had not thought about that and it put a different spin on it for him. I am not just droppping it and ignoring it and acting like he did nothing wrong.

CALA               &nbs

Pages