want my man again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
want my man again.
2
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 2:53pm
Im a mother of 3 with another one on the way. I had to kick out my children's father because I couldn't handle the anger problems he had. On the last time that I put up with the yelling (I yell as well) he pushed me knowing I was pregnant against the door. We had broken up but he hadn't moved out yet and he wanted to work on things to get better between us before he actually moved out. I kept insisting on no he had to leave and work on himself first so the night before I kicked him out he went out and I was upset that he went out with friends instead of showing me that he really wanted to talk about our relationship (we've been together for 7 years). So when he came home I was so mad that I told him forget about talking on us he showed me his priorities- himself. So after he pushed me I became hysterical with hurt emotion that he would do that. He has never hit me - he has grabbed my wrists and pushed though. I called the police on him and had him leave that humiliating way. I don't know now if I was wrong. I have broken up with him before but he has never left. Now almost 2 months later we have been debating on having this child. We/I thought were on the track on working things out these past few weeks. We finally communicated our relationship, we spent real time together and he spent time with our kids at his place and we have been intimate. But I had a hunch that there was someone around him and I was right. A friend is what he called her. I found her number and asked her myself and on her view point they are friends now but working on seeing each other more. They had been on a few dates nothing intimiate, but all the information that he gave her regarding me was wrong. He never told her I was pregnant, obviously he called me his kids mother and nothing more, that I was a lunatic after him. What can I do now? I love him so much it hurts. I made him leave the house because if he didn't nothing would have changed between us. Everytime we made up it was kiss kiss a few great days and then right back to the beginning and me wanting him to leave. I had hoped that he would work on himself and come back to me since he always claimed that he loved me with all his heart. But I feel used because of course I confronted him about this woman and all the things she claims and he denies to me about what he has told her. Who do I believe. For one what woman would want this man with three kids to begin with and one on the way?? She is a mother of one who's father is involved. I have spoken to her on 3 occassions and had 30 min conversations with her. I never degraded him but did tell her why I made him leave. All this time he has given me the impression that we could work with time, we never formally said that was what we were doing. Per what she tells me is that he doesn't want me anything over just a friend because of the kids, he never slept with me, he doesn't know how I could be pregnant because since the beginning of the year we had sex probably 2 a month and everytime we did it he was drunk and never finished the job, he wants a paternity test to prove that this child is his. All these awful things and I still love him. I want to try things out because I feel we deserve to give our love a chance. I see him and I see he still has feelings for me. He can't stop hugging me when Im around him or kissing on me. He has a great strong macho face over the phone but in person he melts whenever he sees me. How can I not be confused? I feel that since I never begged him to come home he was too proud to ask to come home and in the beginning he did want to but never said it. He tells me that I am pushing him to her, I know I'm not. How do I get over a guy who just shows me that this person who he has known for less than a month is worth more than me and the family I had given him? I have to speak to him regularly and he wants my friendship now. How can I be friends if I still love him? I won't be selfish and avoid him that will only hurt my children. I am having our baby after a long time debating about it. I wasn't brought up to kill the unborn. He claims that I just don't want him to have a life by having this baby, he really doesn't want it but accepts it since he can't make that decision. I shouldn't love this man but I do and don't know where to begin on getting over him while I'm pregnant. I also fear that if things don't work out between him and this woman I will be the fall back. Can I be strong while I'm pregnant?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 5:46pm
I think it is time for counseling. Find a good therapist-check with your insurance and primary care physician or obstetrition
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 11:41pm
Please stop and think about what you are doing. You don't just have your feelings to consider but those of your children! Is this the kind of relationship that you want them to have as a model growing up? How would you feel if this was happening to one of them when they get older? (Mad as hell I suspect.) This man does not respect you, and after you have given him children! You should make your best attempt at remaining friends, for the childrens sake, but call it quits on this relationship. Think back to past relationships and realize that although at the time it was painful, you got through it. You will get through this too. You should definately seek the help of a counselor, like the last post said. But don't go back to him, if he put his hands on you once it will only make it easier the next time!