Wanting to date a friend
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Wanting to date a friend
| Thu, 09-16-2004 - 6:43pm |
I've been friends with this girl for about 9 months now. I'm 34 and she's 25. We started seeing each other, but she wasn't interested in a relationship, just casual dating. She also said she saw me as a friend. She is also kind of a tomboy, with an interest in Martial Arts, Target Shooting, and has a pet snake. As time went on, my feelings for her grew. She is still casually seeing other guys, nothing serious. But, she also recently said how she would like to be in a loving, romantic relationship, although she says she doesn't believe in it because she has never been "in love" before. In our conversations, she said that she feels a connection to me and sees me as a friend, as someone who is "there." She doesn't see me as a guy to date, but she likes spending time with me. She also has convinced herself that I am "too old" for her. In reading between the lines, it seems like she is creating reasons to convince herself not to date me. When we sit together on the couch, she sits on the opposite end. When we hug, she leans in from the side. I know that I'm a good-looking guy as I get told that often by women, so it's not "sex appeal." She also says that she feels most like herself around me and can truly be herself around me. The thing is, I really like her and I think if she allowed our friendship to evolve to something more, it would be wonderful for both of us. I've tried various subtle things to lead down a romantic path, but she resisted. For example, she's studying to be a pilot, so I surprised her with a picnic by the airport to watch the planes take-off and land. She put up a defense saying how that's something I should do with the other girl I was dating at the time (and not dating anymore). My problem is that my feelings for her have grown strong and is now interfering with my ability to see other women without thinking about her. What can I do?
Signatures On
| Thu, 09-16-2004 - 9:20pm |
i think that you should slow your role.what do you value more?to pursue a romantic relationship or to be a genuine friend?let it happen naturally and do not put pressure on her,because that can potentially make a person draw back.what she likes about you is that she can be herself around you,she don't have to pretend or worry about you judging her for being open.i had a friend in my life where i could be myself.i dated plenty of guys,and was able to gripe about them and laugh at how they came short of what i needed as a man. and let me add...the thing that made him stand apart from all the others was,he never once came on to me as a friend.i respected that he never crossed those boundaries.i started wanting him to stay over and not for no other reason but because i felt so comfortable around him and felt i could talk about anything in the world.but know what???he refused to stay over.to make a long story short,he is now the man in my life and i had no idea we would be living together.and those true feelings of friendship morphasided into love.so be a friend,because thats what she likes about you,thats what sets you apart.she would'nt reject your advances if that was what she wanted.don't blow it.
