wanting out

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2005
wanting out
6
Sun, 11-18-2007 - 11:14pm
Hi, I'm a 25 yr old wife, and mom of 2 kids...ages 6 (DD) and 17 months (DS). I've been married for 4 yrs but with my H for 7 yrs. This is also my 2nd marriage. My H has hit, choked me, called me every name in the book...just has gotten me to thinking that all men hit their wives, and treat them badly. BTW, I was also physically abused from age 3-10, and sexually abused from 6-10 by my former stepdad. My H used to make me cry alot when he would call me names, or lay a hand on me.....but now..I feel like I have no tears left. Now, I'm just constantly thinking of being single..to get to know who I am again, as a person, as a mom. I stay because I never knew my dad growing up, and I want the kids around their dad. If I ever left him, he would freak, get depressed, maybe do something bad.......he always jokes about it, but because I know him...I know there's some truth in it somewhere. He stays in the bedroom on
Melissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: mmh22
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 11:11am

Welcome to the board Melissa,


You NEED to get out of this marriage as soon as possible. He is physically abusing you. What is to stop him from doing that to your children? He is pointed a gun at you for crying out loud. Get away NOW.


Do you really want your children thinking it is okay to treat women this way and that this is how you deserve to be treated?


Can't you leave him and stay with your family?


You should also look into counseling for all the abuse you have through. I am truely sorry you have had to go face all this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: mmh22
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 12:05pm

Welcome to the board Melissa,


If you need help getting out call 1-800-977-SAFE.


Recognizing & Dealing with Domestic Abuse


Good luck to you.






iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2005
In reply to: mmh22
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 12:07pm
Thanks so much for replying. As for the gun thing...he did that almost 5 yrs ago, and he had claimed he was just joking about it all. I told him...u don't play with peoples heads that way. He has not done it since, but has did other things. It's been amost 3 months since he has laid a hand on me, and when he did....he would look over at our 6 yr old daughter to see if she was looking or not........that tells me that he knows it's wrong if he is looking to see if she was watching. He does not help with the kids at all. He is too addicted to WOW online. I always let him know that he will regret it oneday..not spending time with the kids, and I don't mean just 5 minutes either. I definitely cannot stay with my family...they don't have the room for the 3 of us, or the money either. My sis and I are the only ones in our fmily who has our stuff together, with college, and just what we want to do out of life. We do not do drugs, whereas everyone else does in our family. I stay because of the kids, and for money. I know that sounds so bad, but when people r in the same situation, it's hard. I have put myself back in college, and I know what I need to do career wise. I'm interested in being an RN....making good enough money to provide the needs and wants for both of my kids, and not depend on CS from my H. My H would be very sad, upset if I ever left regardless of the reason. In the past, when he has hit, or squeezed a lil too hard.....he makes sure he never leaves bruises. We had been overseas for a few yrs, and he was a cop in the mil.....so I had to stay quiet, but I don't really have to anymore. Now, it's just more of us staying away from each other, but when we go to visit family, we both do our own thing with our families. His grandma seems to think that if we go to church, then everything will get better and be fine. I beg to differ on that one. I am very close to his famiy, and his grandma is the only one who knows about anything recent. I wanted her to know what is going on....just in case I decided to ever leave. She sided with me....which I did not think she would do. My H gets very upset when he finds out that I have confided in someone about us. He wants me to keep quiet....he says that whatever goes on in our marriage should stay between us.......which I agree with to a point. If or when I leave, I want it to be for good........not keep going back like some people do all the time.
Melissa
Melissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: mmh22
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 2:43pm
Please take the advice here and get help to leave. We support you and want to see you live a happy life. I can't imagine what it would feel like to have your children harmed... Please don't let anything happen to them, they rely solely on YOU to make sure they are safe.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: mmh22
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 3:12pm
Even if you children don't know about the abuse they do. I grew up in abusive homes by whole life. My dad and some of my mom's other boyfriends abused her. They didn't think we knew, but we did. My earliest childhood memory is my dad holding a knife to my mom's throat telling me he was going to kill her. You don't what that for children. Please think about what is best for you and your children.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
In reply to: mmh22
Sat, 11-24-2007 - 8:43am

Get out!

It is not enough to have a good mind.  The main thing is to use it well.-- Rene Descartes