Wanto to go out

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
Wanto to go out
3
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 3:51pm
I have a husband who does not like to go out. I like to go out with my friend's twice a month. We go to a bar and I am home by 3:00 AM. My husband says this is not right. He calls me constantly while I am out and now he says he will leave if I come home at 3:00 AM and defy him. He is not my bass and I am not doing anything wrong while I am out. Who is right here? He says I can only stay out till 1:00

Thanks for your help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: shopwme
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 4:02pm
In a marriage or a committed relationship, the idea is to come to a mutual understanding and to compromise.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
In reply to: shopwme
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 4:39pm
i have a similar problem, so i know how you feel. my bf is 7 years older than i am and is past his going out days, but i still like to go out and do something every once in awhile. i don't go out too often, but its nice to get out sometimes. at first i didn't do anything b/c HE didn't feel like it. then i just sat down and told him that i was going to go have fun and he could come if he wanted. he's been pretty supportive though. he understands my needs and respects my feelings. we'll call each other just to check throughout the night. when i come home i tell him how much i missed him, b/c i do! i would never let him give me an ultimatum. he doesn't like me to stay out too late, just b/c he worries, and i don't like to b/c i don't want to wake him when i come home. i think you need to sit down and tell your husband how you feel. if he threatens to leave you then tell him to start walking. usually threats like that are hollow and ways to intimidate you into doing what they want. maybe you can come to an agreement. say, he can come with you every once in awhile, or you can set a time that you BOTH agree on to come home. the best thing is to just talk to him. good luck!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
In reply to: shopwme
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 5:32pm
Your husband sounds like my dad! Discuss and work out agreements, mold in the fact that you need to spend time with your friends, and how he's gotta remember that one of the most important building blocks in a relationship is trust. Another thing.. twice a month? That should really do the job already. I suggest you just talk to him on what you think is fair and suitable, and he should respect your decision and give you your space. A few days a month shouldn't be that much to ask for.

He's feeling insecure, and a lot of guys tend to be. Make sure he knows you love him, make him feel secure. If he's just one of those overprotective guys, then just put some extra effort into things and prove to him that he can trust you. Perhaps you can suggest a couple ways for him to keep busy, cuz it sounds like he constantly thinks of nothing but you. Tell him to go hang out with the guys, take up some hobbies, anything.

OR, if it's that big of a deal and it really bothers him inside that you come home late, then come home at 1. A 2-hour difference isn't that hard to work with. Perhaps you can just go through with this plan until he becomes more comfortable.

Best of luck..!