Wants to see other people?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2007
Wants to see other people?
2
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 9:14am

Yesterday, my boyfriend told me he is getting bored with our relationship. We are very early 20s, he has just finished university and I have just started working. We have been together coming up to 3 years. I have slept with one other person, but I am his first.

When we were discussing it he told me hes recently (within the last week) started to feel like he is missing out on things, seeing other people and the sorts. I have felt like this slightly in the past, but now I am certain there is nobody else I would like to be with, and would be happy if he was the only person I would sleep with again.

We have an amazing relationship, and even though we both still live at home we see each other every day, and rarely sleep apart. We are both really in love. He even said that he doesn't think he will find something this good again. We are very open with each other. We openly say when we find people attractive, and have said we would be interested in threesomes and things like that in future (though we both feel like we aren't ready for that yet). We have quite a good sex life, though it could maybe be more frequent.

He has said that we don't go out enough, and he doesn't look forward to seeing me as much as he used to, and as much as when he sees his friends. I think hes going though a hard time at the moment, feeling like hes missed out on things, such as he really wants to go traveling now, something that hasn't interested him since he met a new group of friends at temporary work (who he won't see much now since his contract finished).

I really don't know what to do. If we don't sort this out I know there will be problems down the line. I don't want to be the reason that he might regret what should be a really exciting time in life. I really don't want to split up, and I am completely happy with the relationship.

I know an obvious answer would be to stop seeing each other as much, which will make it more exciting when we do, but it feels too far into the relationship to change the dynamics that much, something which I don't think we will recover from. I think a break would be out of the question too. I don't think I could go back out with him once he has slept with other people. It would hurt too much.

Please give any advice you can.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 11:29am

Welcome to the board heartlauren,


I can tell you that what your bf is feeling right now is normal for his age and having been in a long term relationship for a while now.


I can also understand you not wanting to "go backwards" in the relationship. That would be hard to deal with.


How did the two of you leave things? Did he say he wants to see other people or what is the plan with the two of you as of now?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 12:58pm

Welcome to the board heartlauren,


It is hard to go in a direction that we think is 'backwards', however, giving him some space to hang out with friends, etc (you get to do the same) might make him realize how much he values you.


Read this:


When he asks for space (aka, "a break")