Was this cheating? Why do I feel guilty?
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Was this cheating? Why do I feel guilty?
| Tue, 11-25-2003 - 5:17pm |
Two months into my budding relationship with my current boyfriend (we'll be together 2 years in Feb), a drug-fueled evening led to a hookup (just making out) with his best friend. A month later when my boyfriend was out of town, the best friend and I slept together. We slept together two other times in the span of a few weeks and then I ended it because I started having real feelings for my now boyfriend. During the time I was hooking up with the best friend, the boyfriend and I weren't officially dating, and we hadn't discussed our exclusivity or even called each other "boyfriend/girlfriend" but it was evident we were a couple.
Would you consider my episode with the best friend cheating? This issue has been killing me for months. I love my boyfriend immensely and share everything with him- except for this. I hope to marry this man. On one hand I want to "confess" so that this will stop eating at me, but I know it will be selfish, because I will get it off my chest meanwhile my boyfriend will have to deal with the hurt of this knowledge. Also, my boyfriend now lives with this "best friend." I am no longer friendly to this best friend, but I am finding it hard to make up excuses why I don't want him to be invited to social outings.
Please help.

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Reading this, I feel like playing a game called 'can you find all of the mistakes?'
This is why you feel guilty. Even if you two were not exclusive you lied to him and sleeping with the best friend of even someone you dated a few times is in such bad taste.
So now what do you do. Did you ever talk to the best friend about this afterward? Do you fear that he will tell your bf?
Would I consider it cheating? Not really. Dishonest yes.
And you are continuing to be dishonest by having to constantly lie (not make up excuses, it's called LYING) about why you don't want to be around his friend.
What happened 2 years ago can be dealt with and probably forgotten... but as you continue to lie and hide the truth day after day and avoid social events, you are now putting fresh lies on top of deceit on top of more lies.
Confessing isn't about being selfish. It's about having a conscience and the courage to admit to and take responsibility for your behavior. Sometimes the consequences of poor choices are painful- that's the way life is.
If you made a dumb mistake in the past, you may just gain more respect from him, and self-respect for yourself, by having the guts to step up to the plate and accept, rather than excuse, what you did.
Warm Regards.
The best friend and I have talked and agreed not to say anything. I don't fear he will say anything.
You just added another lie and form of betrayal to the list.
Good luck
Edited 11/25/2003 6:02:39 PM ET by dune_baby
And to answer your question - yes, you should definitely tell him because better it come from you than from the best friend. Just be prepared that this could damage your relationship beyond repair and your boyfriend might walk away from you & his "best friend" feeling completely betrayed.
Good luck...
Sarah
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