Was he brainwashed?...Please need advice :' (

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2011
Was he brainwashed?...Please need advice :' (
10
Tue, 08-30-2011 - 12:43pm

Hello,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 08-30-2011 - 1:59pm

Lilbit, I think you are posting hoping for a bit of a consultation with Dr. Shoshanna.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2011
Tue, 08-30-2011 - 2:16pm
Thank you for your response i will take any viewpoints that are not mine right now I think i am too close to the situation... Do you think that he may be being honest about the guilt being the driving force behind the contact (she never initated contact) and if so should i trust that he is done with it once and for all?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 08-30-2011 - 4:32pm

Well you don't say how long you have been married & how long it's been since he was in contact w/ her--I'd think the longer time that has gone by, the less likelihood that he will contact her again.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003

Whether he was brainwashed or not, I wonder if he has taken responsibility of his life, deal with the reasons why he has taken up with this girl, addressed how his upbringing help create and formed his values and behaviors that may not be healthy.

Has he gotten therapy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Mark, I don't think Erin's husband was raised by addicted parents, I think that was his girl friend. The years of emotional abuse from the girl friend would have taken a toll, though
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2011
Tue, 08-30-2011 - 5:09pm
We have only been married for two months the contact with her ended about two weeks before we married.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2011
We are looking for therapy options right now but up until now no he has not had therapy... but the drug addicted parents were hers not his though
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

Your DH could have a codependent personality.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2011
Thank you for the reply... you could very well be right im not sure why I didn't think of that before given my own degree in psychology... that's why im looking for outside help to close to the problem. Im thinking if I am to stay I must seek counseling for both of us or this issue may continue
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2007

I don't think it had anything to do with brainwashing. I think he. like other men I have been friends with, was addicted to this girl. He was with her at a formative time in his life and lived with her as a family. Some of the nicest men I have known have been inextricably drawn to that girl that abuses them and is forever hard to hold. They could go out with the nicest girls you would ever want to meet, but they were always drawn back to that one that treated them like crap. The more abuse she heaps on the harder he tries to please her. It doesn' t sound rational because it really isn't rational. That is why I call it an addiction. Some guys have such bad self esteem that they wouldn't want to belong to a club that would have them as a member, so to speak.

Katie B