Was I with a Repressed Homosexual?
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Was I with a Repressed Homosexual?
| Wed, 02-27-2008 - 6:53pm |
I am 21 years old & my ex boyfriend is 43. We lived together ever since we met. me & my boyfriend are currently broken right up right now, we called it quits a few days ago & I moved out of his house that very night because he had gotten violent towards me, and this time was the worse. I dont know whether to classify him as a "domestic abuser" since its not the classic case,

This is a classic abuser, as much as there is such a thing. Hitting, punching, throwing you, controlling, violent, intimidating you, all of these are classic. You have been seriously abused. He has physically, sexually, psychologically, and verbally abused you. I think that you will find a lot of help, information, and support at these boards:
Recognizing & Dealing w/ Domestic Abuse
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rldomesting
Domestic Abuse Support
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhabuse
In the mean time, I would encourage you to have no contact with this man. Look around and see if you can find a support group in your area. You can call the local women's shelter to ask about this and any other help that they can offer you. If he comes around or continuously phones, texts, or emails you, go to the courts and request a restraining order. The women's shelter or court house can provide you with information about this. See if you can find some individual counseling so that you don't go for this kind of man again. I would also encourage you to take care of yourself in every way.
Steph
Edited 2/27/2008 9:15 pm ET by amcanmom
Hi, I am sorry you've been subject to such abuse. I don't care if it's a "classic case" or not, this guy is trouble and you need to stay away from him. The thing is, if you've been in 1 relationship with a dangerous abuser, that puts you at risk for getting involved with another one in the future, unless you recognize the red flags that come up in the beginning.
I speak from experience because my ex-bf was verbally abusive. I was with him for 1 miserable year. I'm convinced that had I stayed with him, he would have started physically abusing me.
Check out Sandra Brown's website about how to spot a dangerous man. It really helped me. I hope it will help you too.
http://saferelationships.com/
Best of luck to you. Please keep us posted and let us know how you're doing!
Welcome to the board uwillneverhurtme21,
The next time you are in
glitter-graphics.com
I'm so sorry this happened to you. You shouldn't have had to go through this but it's also really good that you want to learn from it and avoid it in the future.
You ask what are the warning signs? I don't even know where to start. Once it gets to the point of abuse then you know for sure that you have to get out. Sometimes, regardless of your experience in the past, it has to get bad before you want to leave enough to do it.
I guess I'll say that the HUGE warning sign that blew by you was the age difference.
Hon, people say "age is just a number" but those people are older than you are. Age is not just a number when you're a kid, and 21 is a kid. BUT! There is NOTHING wrong with being a kid! Hell I just turned 25 and I consider myself one :) You just have to be wary about who you date. I'll put it this way: When someone is looking for a sincere and healthy relationship, they are attracted to like-minded people. This guy is more than twice your age. What do you think he wants with you? What does he have in common with a girl who is more than two decades younger than him? If that doesn't make you at least a little suspicious then there's no "warning sign" that can really help you. At this point in your life at least, you should stick to guys near your age.
Also, when someone is divorced - no offense to the divorcées here - it means they made a serious commitment to someone, promised themselves to another person, and it failed. It may have been their fault, and maybe not. It's important to look at why that marriage didn't work out because it could speak volumes for that person's faithfulness, honesty, and what works/doesn't work in a relationship with them.
The stealing, lying, hitting, name-calling, all of the abuse... When it happens for the FIRST time, you have to get out.
You also need to be smarter than to live with a guy you just met. That is simply not a good decision. You absolutely HAVE to make better choices or I am really afraid you will not end up as fortunate as you are right now. Please take care.
It isn't where he hit you, or if his hitting has caused you to be hospitalized that determines whether he's